Ryann Reflections

A glimpse into the life of one anti-social stripper nerd.

Saturday, March 04, 2006


"The National" Hotel & Bar. Hanna, AB

Weirdo of the day: And by weirdo I mean misogynistic yahoo.

He leers at me and winks when I make eye contact. Wriggling his tongue will obviously entice me. I turn away and resist the urge to roll my eyes. Pot belly and scruffy grey hair accent the untrimmed beard, “Hey beautiful can I lick those?” My response of “Eeew, you’re my father’s age” is not received well. His shirt is dirty, as are his fingernails. I’m not surprised. By my fourth song his liquid courage has intensified. “Hey baby, what will $200 get me?”

Grrrr. My patience is in short supply, and the conversation is heated. “Oh I’m sorry you disgusting pig, you must have mistaken me for a whore. You will never get anything from me. Don’t ask again."

“I'm just trying to help you out, bit of money for a bit of fun. You’re the one sitting there naked with your legs spread. I just assumed.” Drunk and ignorant, his survival instincts haven’t totally vanished. Just smart enough to back out of reach when my stiletto grazes the air near his face.

Exposed and angry emotions are difficult to mask. I want to hit him. I want to communicate with him on his level, preferably in blood. He called me a whore, and I want to assault him like he has injured me. But I don’t. I have no defense in this bar, and my options are limited.

A few tears and a phone call ease the fire. It saddens me to be reminded that there are so many men accustomed to treating women like worthless whores. But I know he is irrelevant to my life. I know he will die in that small town, ignorant and isolated.

But the altercation brought to mind a larger issue. Is the expectation of sexual return on investment just part of the exchange between the sexes? I had the following text message conversation this afternoon.

You don’t love me anymore
Start putting out more and we’ll talk
Sigh, that’s all anyone wants from me
You know I’m just teasing
Not convinced
Oh don’t start with me. I think you know and trust me a little better than that
Depends on my faith in men on the day

Jest is often based in truth. If the constant joke is ‘you owe me (insert sexual acts here) in exchange for (insert entertainment or favours here)’ How much is a joke and how much is subtle resentment and expectations? How many dinners should be bought before a girl ‘puts out’? If a woman does not move into a sexual relationship, should the man stop paying for dinner? What gifts are worthy of a blowjob? I like being taken out. I like dressing up and enjoying an evening of fine food and fine company. It’s nice to be treated. But are my expectations unreasonable?

Is it really too much to want a man to NOT joke about me being a whore. Perhaps that sounds extreme when the intent was in jest, and no harm was meant. But the underlying deduction is that my company isn’t enough and sexual acts should subsidize the exchange.

Am I a waste of monetary investment? Am I a waste of an evening?


  • At 10:42 PM, Anonymous tnt_rori said…

    A mutual friend of ours scolded me, again, for being too nice. Apparently she's not used to being treated like a human being and more used to being treated like a collection of body parts. That scolding was also in jest, well mostly. The part that some people forget about joking arround sometimes you don't realise the damage caused, Impact not Intent, is what people need to realize.

    As for an answer to the question of "How many dinners should be bought before a girl ‘puts out’?" the answer is zero, because there no relation between the two.
    If a girl wants to 'put out' it is because she wants to, dinner has no factor on that.

    I was planning on a surprise asking you out for dinner when you get back to town here, but considering that blog entry I figure I'll let you know about that in advance, and also my expectation; Intellegent conversation.

  • At 4:27 AM, Blogger Gadzilla said…

    I grew up believing that a felatio was a very sacred thing done by a woman for a man. (don't laugh please..) I still believe that to be true. I don't think any value can be put on any sexual act nor should it. If you did, your putting a value on yourself. The clubs do enough of that for you. Everytime I read your blog, my heart hurts for you. Not sympathy, but a desire to help and try to make things better for you. You seem like such a nice person and it sounds like a fun person to be in the presence of. I guess thats just the good nature in me. Don't let it get out though, it would definatly ruin my bad reputation. :P

  • At 2:12 PM, Anonymous Fluffy said…

    This seems like the traditional problem that some boys/men have with separating friend from fantasy.....sounds mildly familiar, it may be a "joke", but there's usually an ounch of truth or hope in there. Unfortunately though, you have to deal with it at work as well as at home.

  • At 3:12 PM, Blogger Erin said…

    You deserve better than to be treated as a commodity. Every woman does. We are so strong, and yet so vulnerable. Take care.

  • At 5:23 PM, Anonymous Dirty Sanchez said…

    Wow, that post was shocking to me, not in that some men expect a "return for their investment", but more so shocking that you date men that feel that way (even in jest).

    If the guy wants a whore, let him go find one ... a dinner date is a dinner date, even if you are anticipating the after dinner "conversation" more than the actual dinner.

    I don't think I've ever impressed someone enough with my credit card to get into their pants. It's usually my scandalous good looks that do the job for me ;)

  • At 10:20 AM, Blogger Ryann said…

    well Sanchez... you may be more unique than you realize.

    most women I know have encountered this type of behavior at some point. It's a main reason why so many women choose to go dutch. "I don't owe you anything"

    In my defense, I'm very disappointed in this most recent case. We weren't dating. I thought we were friends, and I was mistaken. :(
    (back to the men and women can't be friends bit)

  • At 6:12 PM, Anonymous Dirty Sanchez said…

    Sorry Ryann, I certainly did not mean to put you on the defensive.

    And just for the record, I have many female friends, some of whom I haven't even slept with ;)

    As for going dutch, I personally prefer East Indian or Thai, Food from the Netherlands food tends to be too flour based, too much dairy. Plus I like the woman to foot the bill, then I get to feel obligated to "put out". Damn, I hate that.


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