Ryann Reflections

A glimpse into the life of one anti-social stripper nerd.

Friday, September 23, 2005

Today it's good

I'm off to work in a bit. It's Friday, and I'm hoping it will be busy. Some of the guys have been irritating me this week. mostly because I want to leave after my show. I don't want to sit and drink. I don't want to check out your hotel. I don't want to hang around and talk about sex. I don't want to sit around for 4 hours being nice, pretending to care and selling private shows. But it's Friday and that's exactly what I get to do. What do I do between shows?? I masterbate of course. That's what all dancers do.
Although one patron yesteray saw me at Starbucks on my break. He was nice at the bar. "good show sweetie, have a good night". No offers, no annoying questions, no propositions... I like that.
I'm in a good mood today. A little confused and lost, thinking about relationships. I'm still not convinced anything could work. But it's kind of nice to pretend for a little while.
I live on the road, and it's roughly an 8 week circuit. "love you babe, see you in two months?" Sigh.. I'm too jaded to believe that can be a real commited relationship. Relationships are really really difficult to maintain in this industry, and long before I was a stripper I sucked at relationships. I've been single for years, and I know I'm okay on my own. I can handle it, I can handle myself... without getting hurt. (the urge to run is massive) But living in today, for this tiny moment of eternity, before everything shatters...Today it's good.


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