Ryann Reflections

A glimpse into the life of one anti-social stripper nerd.

Monday, September 26, 2005


This is a strange industry, and people impressions and stereotypes add a lot to the frustration at times. Some of the stuff I get to deal with as a dancer is unique, and some of it is not very good.
couple things I'd like to talk about today... illegal activities of bars and how we are treated, and how to cope with the real world after work without going totally insane... oh and a bit about boys in the "real world"
I hate, hate, hate being held forced to do unpaid floor time. for those that don't know... "floor time" is when dancers such as myself are forced to spend 4 hours of our own time, to wander around the bar in our lingerie selling private dances. we are NOT paid for our time, and if we choose to leave we are either fined, fired, or not paid for the week.
For obvious reasons having to do floor time frustrates and infuriates me. It's illegal, and it's wrong.
Which brings me to coping... nights like Saturday drain my soul. I left the bar exhausted from pent up rage. what I wanted to do was tell that manager and owner exactly where they could insert the pole... and maintaining a professional manner is really difficult sometimes. but I did.
and then I got into my car and cried.
because I don't drink at work, and I don't do any drugs, so I have to deal with these nights sober. After work I was so upset, so drained, so angry I couldn't do anything but stare into space and/ or cry.
Then I go to visit the guy I am seeing. He has no experience with the industry, to the point that he has never been in a strip club (and won't go in). Instead of sitting with me while I waited to get paid after my "floor time" he was at home waiting for me. By the time I got there at 2am I was numb, I'd been crying on the road, I was angry at him for not being there for me, and I didn't know what to do. I wanted to scream, shout, and rage about my night... but he told me to "cheer up"
I know he means well, I know he is sheltered and has no idea what I deal with.. but but... "cheer up. smile". WHY!!! Why so YOU can feel better? you want me to fake it for you too? I needed to get it out, deal with my emotions, realize the anger... not put it aside and pretend everything is ok.
I don't use chemical escapes. So at the end of a day like that I have a lot to deal with. a lot to get out. a lot to cleanse.
Dating a dancer is hard. Some days I'm not even sure it's possible... One of the things that makes it so hard is that at the end of the day, if you want to see that sweet, sexy woman... you have to find away to put to rest the frustrations of the day, and put to rest her stage personality in order to allow her to rediscover her "real" self.
at the end of the day I want to feel loved, validated, and respected... not dismissed.


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