Ryann Reflections

A glimpse into the life of one anti-social stripper nerd.

Thursday, September 29, 2005

"stage" vs. "real" identity...

"stage" vs. "real" identity...

I'm getting used to being called "Ryann". I answer to it more often than I hear my real name, and I am surrounded by people than only know me as Ryann. It's interesting creating an identity.

On stage I am in character, I play my part, I play the fantasy. I answer entirely to Ryann for weeks at a time, and when I hear my real name it often catches me off guard.
But to not forget who I am, I refer to my life, my name, my path, my past, my dreams, as "real" life. yet I live 6 days a week in a life that is not "real"?

To refer to your job, as not real... it segments and seperates your life. yet everyday, when interacting with people, my job affects the relationships. When I meet new people and try to decide whether to be honest, or lie... when I tell people what I do and they struggle to accept it, or understand it. when I alienate myself from experiences because of my job.
How is that not real?

When I sit and think about relationships, dating, experiences, friendships, opportunities... and how I relate to them, my job is very relevant to my "real" life. But to reconcile them... that is a challenge

I want to be honest, I want to accepted, I want to be loved for who I actually am... not perfect, not a fantasy, not an ideal... but as person with gifts to offer, with faults, with a past, with mistakes, and a heart.

To reconcile what I want, with who I am both on and off stage... To be true to myself, my dreams, my fears, and my weaknesses... To come to terms with what I can and cannot offer...To learn how to be honest and communicate...To remember to leave "Ryann" at work and yet understand that she is always a part of me...


  • At 11:38 AM, Blogger One of the confused masses said…

    You're a talented writer!

  • At 2:53 AM, Anonymous Keith...er..Kaos..er...:) said…

    I know what you mean..lol..Im a professional wrestler and Ive wrestled quite a bit in my hometown of Courtenay. Being in a smaller city, I'm usually in the paper quite a bit leading up to a show..plus posters etc. As a result, alot of people here know me as "Kaos" my wrestling moniker. I get so used to people calling me that, that when someone calls me Keith, I have to remember that they are talking to me..lol

  • At 3:41 PM, Blogger Sin said…

    I relate to you, for I am also an Exotic Dancer. It sucks though that in my life, I wish in a way I was really the person I portray, because people do notice me as a dancer, but I fail to be noticed outside in the real world. In the club people stare, but when I'm not working, people don't even look twice. They only notice me when I have make-up on and am practically naked and they flirt and bring on the come ons, but when I have run into the same people ouside of work, they don't even recognize me. We truly live a double life, or suffer from multiple personality disorder- lol, J/K!


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