Ryann Reflections

A glimpse into the life of one anti-social stripper nerd.

Thursday, March 01, 2007

I'm a little whiney and pathetic

Las Vegas was shiny, and sparkly, and wonderful. I could talk about all the glitter and glamour, or how fat and rude Americans are (sorry to any nice people south of the border). But seriously I was shocked by how rude people were. I had fun. The wedding was sweet, and my sister and I had a blast running through the smoke and mirrors.

But now I’m home. It fucking snowed and I don’t wanna be here. I can’t get out of my driveway until the ice melts a bit, and I’m not getting anything done. I’m pretty much feeling whiney and pathetic and I want to curl up with my care bear and cry. I’m totally overwhelmed by everything I’ve taken on. Exotic Dancers for Cancer is only 3 days away. Homework is piling up around me and all I really want to do is go for coffee with Ginger or Clare. I miss my friends.

The house I’m living in is for sale. What little stability I did have to come home to is gone. It’s been replaced by the pressure to make everything look like no one lives here. Maybe I shouldn’t live here anymore. I don’t want to think about it but in the back of my mind I know I’m moving, sooner than I had hoped.

I guess in a couple short months I’ll be saying goodbye to my precious island home and trying to make a life for myself in the pre-Olympic construction zone they call Vancouver. Urgh!

I know life isn’t that bad, and really I have it pretty good. But the lack of stability is starting to get to me. I guess three years homeless is enough? I want a home. I want bookshelves with my books on them. I want a kitchen with food in it, and an oven that works. I want to bake cookies, and sleep in my own bed. I want my pictures on the wall. I want my clothes in a closet.

It looks like my life is changing again. Sigh… I’ll deal with it. I know I’ll figure it out and everything will be fine, but I’m feeling a little resentful right now. I want my own place, and I know I will have to move. I just don’t want everything to change right now. I don’t want to add more stress to the pile. I don’t have a choice, but I don’t have to be happy about it today.

I’m going to finish cleaning my room, and then make another attempt to get out of the driveway.

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2 Comments:

  • At 5:11 AM, Blogger Me is Newfie's Woman said…

    You IS NOT whiney and pathetic you hear me?? Of course you doesn't want to move? Whoever the fuck does?? Even if they lives in the hell-hole city housing project me lives in? Maybe yer new place will be just the ticket though. Nice big kitchen, working oven?? Bookshelves ;).. One can never tell what's around the corner..

    Me is sorry that yer feeling so shitty about everything right now though. :( :( for you. But eventually things will start looking up. Yer gonna see. Trust me kk?? ;) ;)

     
  • At 6:53 AM, Anonymous Gölök said…

    More like a pre-Olympic destruction zone; ahhh the pot holes, the low life selling out the city from Vancouver [it's a collective(ist) differing on one issue party name; NPA-COPE-Vision; How About the Oligarchy Party or since Plutarch's warning is attached to bounties offered by the IOC the Plutacrats or VANOC Elector Assoc.]
    It's good still but fading. I'll avoid my pre-election speech. Well spare you the bordom, of the I told them soes and shit.

    I know the annoying feeling though, stuck moving while renting a space in a house. Pain in the ass to move, especially to another East Van place, but the West End is anti-dog unless you have 10 Grand a year consistant enough to live at the Wall Centre.
    Granted I could be working across there and living there, but I chose to fight the Second City Consortium and go it independently with shirts and sites and shit.

    Be Funny and Not Be The're Slave.
    Heh, they wouldn't get much they think I owed them anyway, just a god job.

    Anyway, best wishes

    Gölök Zoltán Leenderdt Franco Buday
    "The first destroyer of the liberties of a people is he who first gave them bounties and largess." -- Plutarch (c.45-125 A.D.) Priest of the Delphic Oracle

    "Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds." -- Albert Einstein (1879-1955) Physicist and Professor

     

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