I wish

I’m expensive this week. I’ve checked myself into a hotel because the rooms above the bar are sub par to say the least. I don’t share well, especially not with other dancers.

I needed the time to myself, time to think, time to relax. I need time to sit in front of my laptop and sort out a disastrous misunderstanding. There is no solution, but there at least can be honest communication. I can’t maintain the openness for much longer. I can’t allow myself to be too vulnerable. Maybe someday, but not yet. change takes time.

I’ve spent days running in circles in my head. I’m thankful for the hours at work where I can be someone else. I’m thankful for the simple seductions of young men.

But real life hits through email. I wish it were easier.