Ryann Reflections

A glimpse into the life of one anti-social stripper nerd.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

We'll see how it goes...

I’m in Kingston. I don’t really know what I’m doing and I’m feeling pretty lost and alone. Snuggles with Sunshine seem like a million years ago, and it hurts that it was only yesterday that I kissed him goodbye. It was an amazing few days and I desperately want to savor the taste of the moment. I want to remember the taste of his soft lips on mine, the total comfort of his arms around me, and the delicate caresses and lingering kisses. I met Sunshine in a different world, separated from everything personal that defines our lives. We were isolated, and intrigued. I knew he had a crush on me, and I couldn’t resist creating the opportunity to visit him.

Sunday was perfect. It was a holy moment of beauty and friendship. We wandered aimlessly through the wine festival, savoring the samples, flirting, and just enjoying the company. Ice cream and ice wine became my dinner as crab dumplings, and butter chicken served as an appetizer. The wine flowed and the giggles started. There were never any expectations, but flirty tension crackled. It was a perfect day.

I feel safe with him. The days that followed were delightful. Really, we did nothing. Shared lunch and dinner, watched movies, laughed and talked, and curled up in each others arms. I wish I could hold onto that. I didn’t want to leave, but I’m here for a reason. I have to keep going.

Tonight though I am in a strange town, lost and alone, I want to run home. I’m so fragile and weak right now. My pride is shaky and my ego is bruised. I know I’m good enough. I know I’m a good entertainer and I can pull this off, I just don’t feel it. I’m good enough, but I’m not seasoned enough. I’m still relatively new to the business. I haven’t been dancing for a decade, and I’ve only been featuring for a short time. I’ve never worked in Ontario before, and I feel like I was thrown to the wolves.

I want to run home, but my pride is keeping me here, at least for a bit. I need to figure out what to do, and I can’t stay in Starbucks all night.

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  • At 9:51 AM, Blogger Cairde said…

    Your passion for life and new experiences, which makes you so amazingly appealing as a lover and as a writer, is what makes you a fantastic dancer. Show Ontario how it's done...You will rock them!

  • At 12:28 AM, Anonymous GZLFB said…

    Ah KKKingston, where lawn jockies hold up NDP Campaign signs.
    Where Old Money is the only legal tender and all else is considered a food stamp; a place where tolerance was named Stanfield and he's dead.

    KKKingston, Ah, What a Hell Hole of Colonial Evil.

    Gölök Zoltán Buday
    "Government does not cause affluence. Citizens of totalitarian countries have plenty of government and nothing of anything else. And absence of government doesn't work, either. For a millionyears years mankind had no government at all, and everyone's relatives were naked in the trees." -- P. J. O'Rourke "Eat The Rich: A Treatise On Economics." Pg.2, Ch. 1.


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