Ryann Reflections

A glimpse into the life of one anti-social stripper nerd.

Friday, September 15, 2006

It's a challenge

I’m an overachiever. I have a blind sense of arrogance that I rely on to get me through the challenges I accept, only to be left thinking “What the FUCK have I gotten myself into now!?!” I’m there. I’ve done it again. I’m in over my head again. I did the same with chemistry, and physics… why should stripping be any different? I want to experience what this industry has to offer me, and I need to do it on a time line. I doubt I’ll dance for a decade, but I’m watching the industry in Western Canada crumble. I know if I want to maintain my freedom, income, and enjoyment of my job I have to ensure my name is established. FAST!! It's business, so I’m heading east. I’m entering Ms Nude Canada and the qualifying contests leading up to it… I’m fucking terrified.

I’m not a blonde bombshell that can perform incredible feats of contortionism. I’m not a gymnast, nor am I a body-builder. I’m 5’1” little brunette with nice natural tits and the girl next door appeal. I’m not strong, and I don't defy gravity. I’m just a little nerd, with lofty goals. I’m just another stripper. AHHHHHHH!!! I’m fucking terrified. What if I make a total fool of myself? What if I’m not good enough? What if I really CAN’T pull it off??

Wheee... obviously I'm in a delightful cycle of self-doubt. I know it's temporary, and it's just part of the process of learning with me.

1-2-3-4, step, pivot, back, step… 1-2-3-4… swivel, step, kick, slide… 1-2-3-4. Right hand grab, spin, step off, step 1-2-3-4. Slide, flip, crawl, arch…

Maybe it’s not organic chemistry, but it’s an art. I’m spending all day everyday working on my show, trying to pull together something amazing, graceful, and sexy. I’m taking on a lot in the coming months, and it’s not easy. This week is long hours and a lot of trial and error. There’s only so much you can see yourself doing, especially on stage while performing. (Note: Do NOT spend the show staring at your self in the mirrors. It looks stupid.) I’m so thankful to have a dear friend and retired dancer helping me out this week. Constructive criticism please, it’s the only way to improve. When I was 17 in art school it was a hard thing to learn, but learn I did. It was hard to put a drawing in front of 25 peers and hear the good, the bad, and the ugly. Learning to give and take a critique and survive to show up the following week with something new was the first thing I learned in university.

I’ve been told I don’t take criticism well, but I think I disagree. I don’t take negative bullshit well, especially from unqualified sources. I don’t want to listen to that sort of crap, so no I don’t respond well to some guy in the bar telling how I ought to live my life, or what I should do in school. I’m also not encouraging to Photoshop nerd telling me about studio lighting. I’m incredibly impatient with the arrogant asshole who thinks his penis is justification for seniority, has held a first aid ticket for a month, and is trying to tell me how to deal with a penetrating pneumothorax.

But as for the task at hand, I’m feeling a little overwhelmed. It’s a learning curve and like anything else I’ve ever done I rely on my blind arrogance to get me far enough in, while my actual skills catch up. It works for me. Teacher! Teacher! Thank god she’s so patient with me. It’s a challenge. I’m just an overly ambitious little nerd, who happens to look decent naked.

It’s a funny balance in life of when certain qualities are an advantage or a disadvantage. For instance, my tendency to be overly analytical and technical is NOT helping me be sexy and fluid. I might be smart business wise, but as for the stripper illusion, intelligence is not an asset. I have to stop thinking, shut up and just dance.

It’ll come together.



  • At 2:19 PM, Blogger Travis said…

    I can't dance to save my life but it's very interesting to actually see that strippers think about what they do when they get up on stage.

    But tell me, does evrey DJ at strip clubs have to do that stupid announcer voice?

  • At 2:22 PM, Blogger Gadzilla said…

    It is quite ironic that your years of education have to be shoved aside and allow for instinct to lead your path. I wish you the best!

  • At 3:40 AM, Blogger Cairde said…

    You are confident in your sex appeal, go with it. Feel the music, feel the dance. My mind takes over at times when I ride my horse, and my teacher is quick to remind me....ride with your body, not with your mind. You will do great Ry!

  • At 4:00 AM, Blogger Mr. Fabulous said…

    Well, it's not a Teddy Bear Picnic, but it still sounds like something cool to shoot for. Good luck!

  • At 7:33 AM, Blogger Johnny Wadd said…

    DO NOT worry yourself up about your travels east. You think the feature biz has crumbled out west? Well there is nothing left of it in the east cept ashes. The competition in the MNC is nothing like what it used to be and neither is the pageant and lead up pageants themselves. Frankly i'd be shocked if they manage to even pull off the Ms. N ontario.

  • At 9:02 AM, Anonymous newfieswoman said…

    me couldnt strip if me life depended on it...for one me is way way way to shy...oh yea..look up shy in the dictonary an yer gonna find ""newfieswoman"" LOL....

    me wishes ya the best of luck though....determination is the backbone of success aint it???

  • At 4:28 PM, Anonymous rori said…

    Ryann, you will do well. Don't worry too much about tecnique. The competition as Pooh Bear himself says "it's about the ability to entertain."

  • At 7:53 AM, Anonymous Reggie said…

    I've seen your preformance, and the orange something or other in vancouver. (hey what does that say? i can remember you but not the club name) You'll do fine in the competition. good luck.

  • At 9:35 AM, Anonymous Gölök Zoltán Leenderdt Franco Buday said…

    If you know, and I get a chance to see your act, I will be there to offer my honest opinion, or it will end up on N.O.W. Magazine if I have the time to update it, the Pope of the 7th Day Strippist won't hold back on constructive criticism. Also I don't tip just anyone and it's on a sliding scale. Your description of yourself is hot, so that's one part, the act is still part of it.
    I miss acts like Eva Vangelista and Strip Tease, damn they were fabulous.
    Anyway, no matter your country, 1776 may be the revolution but on today Sept. 17th 1787 the U.S. Constitution was born and freedoms were spread, happy US Constitution day, we must remember how 9/11 is being used as a terrorist act by multi-national politicians to deny the rights born to a Federal Country known as the United States of America. God Bless Constitutional American, screw N.A.G. and the Uber Nazis (UN).


    Gölök Zoltán Leenderdt Franco Buday
    "Border security is homeland security. But America has lost control of her
    borders and, as Ronald [Wilson] Reagan [Sr.] said, a country that can't control it's borders isn't really a country anymore." -- Patrick J. Buchanan, "State of Emergency: The Third World Invasion and Conquest of America." Pg. 14, 2nd Paragraph.


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