Ryann Reflections

A glimpse into the life of one anti-social stripper nerd.

Monday, August 14, 2006

Maternal Pride- part two.

I knew when I posted it that I was touching on a loaded topic. Should my Mother be proud of me for being a Stripper?

I say yes. I really do. Not because I’m making a ton of money and paying off my debts. It’s not volunteer work and I do enjoy the financial freedom, but it’s not as much as you might think. No, I think my mom should be proud of me because of who I have become as a result of this job. As a person I really feel I have grown, and I am continuing to grow daily. I am proud, and I think she should be too. I want her to see that.

I have learned to slow down and really think about the choices I make, and why.
I have learned to consider my path, my gifts, and my strengths in ways that a cookie-cutter career or education often discourages or postpones.
I have learned to be alone, and be okay.
I have learned to be assertive and firm in setting boundaries.
I have learned compassion and acceptance for the choices people make, and the roads they walk.
I have learned not to judge.
I have learned to take time off when I need it, and to be aware of myself- body, mind, and soul. I love my body, and appreciate it, flaws, flub, and beauty in a unique package that is mine.
I listen more, read more, and think more. There is no auto-pilot numbness in my life.
I have finally learned to be vulnerable and honest. I’m not afraid to be exposed, physically or emotionally. I am not ashamed. I have weaknesses, and flaws. But I am real, and I am beautiful.

I have come to accept myself as a whole. I know I am more than my sex appeal, more than my intellect, and more than my ambition. I know my worth is not dependant on external approval. I am finally accepting who I am, and what I’m honestly searching for.

I am reexamining the many gender roles in our society with a new perspective and appreciation. I have learned to be thankful for men as well as women, and other variations.
I have truly come to a place of understanding women’s rights, equal rights, and diversity in the individual. I am intimately aware of the misogyny in our society, and I’m not blind to where we are. I also know that the right to choose to do anything encompasses professionals, mothers, and sex workers. It has to.

I have become a more confident woman, and a more compassionate person. I have not sacrificed my ideals, my soul, or my self-esteem for this job. I would say I have done the opposite. I find it interesting that Forrest’s comment implies that I’m sacrificing my soul for money. “I would resent her for not doing something more noble with her life” Please explain this to me. If one can accept that I am not lying, and that I’ve truly gained so much from this job, so much personal growth, how can that be a parental failure? Obviously this is a limited career, and I will be taking my experiences as a Stripper into every future career. Does stripping negate all future noble ventures? Or will quitting bring forgiveness? The day I start to question my worth by a monetary scale, or sacrifice my happiness for a bar, is the day I quit. No job is worth that.

My path is my own. I’m not blind, but I am curious. I want to understand more.

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6 Comments:

  • At 6:23 PM, Blogger Cairde said…

    Well said Ryann! I have found that the jobs from which I learned the most about myself and other people, were those that were referred to as not being "real jobs". The "cookie cutter" jobs force one into a roll which had been established by someone long ago, with only a small amount of room for personal growth, if any at all. The jobs that makes us happy and allow freedom of expression are those which help one grow.
    I hope your Mom learns to understand you and appreciate the woman you have become. Otherwise, her refusal to accept your individuality will become her greatest parental failure...not because you were a "stripper", but because she never REALLY knew her own daughter.

     
  • At 10:12 PM, Anonymous Reggie said…

    I like what you had to write. I don't want to sound like an english teacher, but it was well written, as are your other entries i've read.

     
  • At 11:14 PM, Anonymous D`Anerah said…

    How does stripping sacrifice your soul? I think, much like you, stripping brings new meaning to your life. You do learn to take care of yourself and your body, and you do have a healthy new respect for yourself.

    Does that mean the shonky doctors and lawyers out there are all okay because they leave their clothes on. Believe me, I have more respect for you than I could ever imagine having for some in high paying, supposedly 'community minded' jobs.

    And at the end of it all - as long as you can face yourself in the mirror each day. It matters little what others think. Even though it does sometimes hurt.

    I've emailed you btw.

    hugs hun

    D

     
  • At 11:42 PM, Blogger Forrest Gibb said…

    I didn't mean for that to imply anything towards you, personally. That scripture, I think, is universal in my belief system, what good is money and power if it makes you lose sight of what is really important. i.e. God and helping your fellow man. It's just one of the values I would like my daughter to take with her.

    There are less noble jobs than stripping and more noble jobs than stripping. Same goes for my job. Does that make me less or more noble than someone else? Absolutely not. My nobleness does not come from my job, it comes from my core, my heart and my soul. And that only God can judge. I want my daughter to pick a job that she loves so much that she would do it for free, day in and day out. Could you? I know with my job I wouldn't.

    I have no doubt that you have grown as a person from your job. Probably some aspects of your growth were accelerated due to the nature of your job. You would have grown if you stayed a paramedic too. Differently, but still, growth. But the pendulum swings both ways. Jobs can both help growth and hamper growth.

    I do not believe stripping negates future noble endeavors. Quitting will not bring forgiveness. My beliefs tell me that forgiveness is already there, all I have to do is ask. I believe there is nothing we can do in this world (short of lifelong rejection of God) that we will not be forgiven if we ask.

    I hope I have explained my comments. It is quite late so I can't tell if it make sense or not. :-)

     
  • At 9:49 PM, Anonymous rori said…

    Hi Ryann,
    I think the biggest thing is the social stigma in North America about nudity and morality.
    In europe nudity seems more accepted and the population I'd say is no less religious / spiritual. If humans are supposed to be the creation of God why is it a bad thing to show off / enjoy his handywork?

    I wish I could give you advice about your mother. If she's read this blog as much as some of the regulars, she would know that not only are you growing stronger and more confident but more caring and compasionate as well.

    While the maternal support may not be there, be assured that there's support from the friends you've made in your co-workers and patrons.

     
  • At 10:39 PM, Anonymous Gölök Zoltán Buday said…

    "Self worth" is the best phrase or term. "Self Esteem" or having pride is a bit self congratualatory and even, in the case of Self Esteem, it's like Hope or Chance, it's false attempt to feel good about one self using pop culture Liberal kiss ass terms and even pat one self on the back of course.
    I agree, be pleased with a job well done, but then again, pride can cause us to ignore the failure or mistakes we can learn from.
    As for parental or even humanistic approval or love, one should be able to count on it in good times and bad.

    Regards,

    Gölök Z. L. F. Buday
    "Whenever the majority of men are not deprived of their property or honor, they live contentedly" -- Niccolò Machiavelli, The Prince; Page 79

     

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