Ryann Reflections

A glimpse into the life of one anti-social stripper nerd.

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Man up!!

Alright, I’m taking this on, enough of this evasive bullshit. The gender roles are FUCKED! And I’m sick of it.

I’m sick of the lack of personal responsibility, the lack of backbone, the lack of strength, confidence, and power. I’m sick of the lack of conviction. I’m fucking tired of the indecision, the need for approval and the wimpy, weak, effeminate metrosexual submission. If you’re a Man OWN IT! Be it. Find the courage and the pride to live by it. The answer is NOT “whatever you say dear.”

I’m going straight to Nietzsche on this one. Feminists everywhere are welcome to crucify me, but the natural balance has been betrayed and I’m sitting amongst a desperate and lost generation.

Will and willingness.-- Someone took a youth to a sage and said: "Look, he is being corrupted by women." The sage shook his head and smiled. "It is men," said he, "that corrupt women; and all the failings of women should be atoned by and improved in men. For it is man who creates for himself the image of woman, and woman forms herself according to this image.""You are too kind-hearted about women," said one of those present; "you do not know them." The sage replied: "Will is the manner of men; willingness that of women. That is the law of the sexes - truly, a hard law for women. All of humanity is innocent of its existence; but women are doubly innocent. Who could have oil and kindness enough for them?""Damn oil! Damn kindness!" someone shouted out of the crowd; "Women need to be educated better!" - "Men need to be educated better," said the sage and beckoned to the youth to follow him. - The youth, however, did not follow him. from Nietzsche's The Gay Science
... Where do we go from here? I know society tells me that I am supposed to be strong, independent, educated, and ambitious. The more feminine traits of compassion, nurturing, and giving seem to have fallen second to a career. Why? If women seek only equality, then why are we so confused? Why did Women’s Rights castrate our Men? Why are there now so many women going back to the home, back to this Neo-conservative lifestyle? Look at the fashion. Look at the needs.

It’s fucking exhausting doing everything, being all. It’s draining, unsatisfying and frustrating being surrounded by weak guys, hoping that someday, somehow they will Man up! Men have forgotten what it means to be Man. No one taught them how. Sarah gets it. and I’m jealous. She found it. He found her. Now if only her Mac would start up a “Man school” that we could send them to.

What does it mean to be a woman?

To me, it means with grace, conviction and passion. We are the givers of life. It means being aware and accepting of your internal strength and courage. It means being true to yourself, and striving to be more. It means loving unconditionally. It means living by example of kindness and self-respect and teaching those around you (especially your children) to do the same. It means taking responsibility for the next generation. It means giving and sacrifice. It means living with conviction, protecting the weak, and cherishing humanity. It means embracing the Goddess powers, the beauty, sexuality, grace, elegance and passion of womanhood. To be Woman is fucking incredible. I don’t want to be masculine.

Women are straining to reconcile the roles of Mother, and Wife, while juggling a career. Our mothers trained us to believe that we can do anything. No one mentioned that you can’t do everything. No one taught us how to be a Wife. Something will suffer, something will be sacrificed. The choice is up to the individual. (We watched the marriages fail).

Of course I want the right to pursue anything I want. Of course I want an education and a choice. My voice matters. In a true relationship, with a true partner, a yin and yang balance- the possibilities are endless. No, I’m not being idealistic. The gender roles and interpersonal dynamics of relationships are not simple, nor are the needs and desires of the individual. I love that there are many alternatives to the traditional dichotomy of genders, and that a loving partnership is not defined by anatomy. I do maintain that there needs to be a masculine/ feminine balance, and that is what I feel has been lost.

Dominant and determined He is the protector and provider. He offers shelter, safety, and strength. In His arms, is home. In His guidance and love is security. He is a Father, roll model, and lover. Yes, this may be taking a Will to Power angle on the question, but I think that’s exactly what I’m talking about.

I asked a friend of mine, Spader, what does it mean to be a Man? This is His answer…

It means that you live your life based on a set of principles, morals and convictions (that you can articulate) and are willing to take societal pressure or grief for them (aka if you don't tow the line, you get peer-pressured) because you are mentally strong enough to know that you don't have a weak need to be accepted by everyone for all of your ideas and actions

That is a Man.

I’m worried about my generation. The first whole generation raised on divorce, our faith is maimed. We are the children of the 80’s, the products of the “Me” decade. We are lost.

I met a lovely young woman last night, so young and beautiful. She is dedicated to her fiancé, and desperate to please him. But he is not a Man. I watch him consistently selfish and blind to her needs. Immature and damaged he is so centered on himself that he is unable to see the incredible beauty and power hidden within this young woman. I sense her strength. I see the depth of her understanding. I see her fold in on herself and hide. She denies herself to compensate for him. She needs her man to be her protector, guide, and home. He isn’t Man enough to handle her and she knows he needs to feel that he is. She wants to be woman. But she is unable to release her potential, or reveal her soul because she is more powerful than he is. She is protecting him from her strength in order to maintain the façade. With a true partner she could fly.

Man up!

We are staring into our elder’s choices desperate to not repeat their mistakes. The Family has been decimated, and we don’t want to complete that cycle. We have the power to say “fuck you! I want a divorce.” And yes there are many relationships that should end. There are too many abusive and misogynistic cock sucking cowards that parade around, feeding on their partner’s need for security. There are also too many manipulative, ambitious and cruel women that berate, humiliate and seek to destroy their men. Sometimes divorce is the answer.

But I’ve had enough of the self-indulgent product of my society justification for a lack of personal responsibility.

If Nietzsche has a point, and "Will is the manner of men; willingness that of women.” Then no wonder we are so lost. I know so many women who yearn for submission. I want my Man to be powerful and passionate. I want to feel total acceptance and love. I want Him to challenge me, see through me, and guide me. I don’t want to be everything alone. I want a partner in life. I want to know that in Him I can trust. With Him, I am more.

We need our Men. We, as women need our Men.

Man up!



  • At 7:44 PM, Anonymous rori said…

    Ah yes, the psychological castration of man. Reflecting back on my schooling I can see where that occurred. When growing up the teachers encouraged the girls in the class to be assertive even agressive, and punished the boys when they'd attempted the same thing.
    The gender dichotomy was forced to be fliped, It's a case of what a co-worker of mine refers to as Feminazis. Society, and even legislation has led to the discrimination against white males (the only segment of the population that you're allowed to). Thus men are being prevented from assuming power by being called sexist or bruitish.

    Another example of the gender inequality is in boy scouts and girl guides.
    A girl can be in either organization, but a boy cannot.

    Men and Women are not equal, I feel they are equivelent but will never be equal. The opportunities available should be similar but also grounded in reality.
    One example is that if a woman wants to be a firefighter and the job requires her to be able to cary a 50lb hose reel then she better be able to do it. Some men are unable to meet that requirement and thus won't get that job.

    A man being strong and confident doesn't have to mean he is to be rude and disrespectful. You can be a pervert in the club and not be a jerk about it.

  • At 10:04 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I'll have what Ryann's drinking, but please make it a double.

  • At 1:25 PM, Blogger Ryann said…

    hahaha sorry, I do all this sober.

    rori, I would say that a Man would never be disrespectful, brutish- in fact that very behaviour would prove him weak and lacking in character (ie- not a real Man)

    we know what society has done, and why. Damn straight I use my vote, my voice, and I maintain financial freedom. Equal rights are essential.

    But I'm never going to feel sorry for the white male, because we're still FAR from equal and those stupid white men have fucked up a lot. I would also say that any man who hides behind legislation, bitching about those "femninazis" needs to shut up, Man up, and get away from that self-indulgent product of my society justification for a lack of personal responsibility.

    No Man I know has failed because of what women have accomplished.

  • At 4:56 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Concerning Ryann's blog

    I question whether being a man is something you are or something you become. I don't think a person can expect anyone to change over night. Everyone has their own path to follow and time to do it in... Some boys may take a long long time to reach it (I definitely know a few)

    For example, when I see junior (my term for those boys who think they are men because of their age) out there, I know he has no clue and most likely just wants to get laid and will do just about anything to get it. Include dominating people to the asshole level or being wimpy and have no spine and wants all their decisions made for them by mommy.

    So I wonder if it is a level of maturity that has to be reached to actually attain those things your friend Spader said?

    Concerning Rori's comments

    Best advice ever given to me "Life is unfair, get used to it." Everyone has advantages over everyone else. Strong people use those advantages to gain ground in life.

    It takes a strong person to succeed - no matter what advantages they may have. How many rich and famous people's kids have turned the pot of gold into crap (I can think of the Eatons' family as a good example)

    If people feel its unfair - suck it up cupcake and move on with your life and don't worry about their life.

    Comment on Ryann's response.

    I know you didn't mean to bash all white males, but your comment kinda tilts that way.

  • At 8:36 PM, Blogger Ryann said…

    not bashing all white males... just the assholes, and the ones that whine about it ;)

  • At 9:26 PM, Blogger Forrest Gibb said…

    For me, my journey to Man Up started with my fairly recent complete commitment to God. It freed me to be the man I am supposed to be.

    The best book I have read on this journey is "Wild at Heart" by John Eldridge http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0785287965/sr=1-3/qid=1156133621/ref=sr_1_3/103-9785874-4267025?ie=UTF8&s=books

  • At 1:39 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Ouch – touché

  • At 11:24 PM, Anonymous Gölök Zoltán Buday said…

    I love that! Granted feminists, except maybe Camille Paglia and Susanna Bresslin already hate you and what you do, but you could not be right; how can the opposites be equal when they are the same? They can't this forces people to work against thier own nature. Men are masculine and women feminine; the lady's half of the power is her submission to someone man enough to be in charge. The one giving orders, for example, needs someone to take them; it is different, but it is some sort of equal standing. The full power is halved when the orders stop being taken. So Dominance is only half of the power, but it is needed, the submission is the other half, together it is either a harmonious full power; like in a relationaship between a man and a lady or a disharmonious like organized crime or Bush Jr, Clinton, or Bush Sr. and the Millitary "Just Following Orders" as they said in Nuremberg.


    Gölök Z. L. F. Buday

  • At 12:02 AM, Anonymous rori said…

    Equality is such an interesting notion; it is based purely off of perspective.
    For equality in the work place the person most qualified for the job, should be hired and do that job. Does this mean that there will be and even 50-50% gender bias in every industry? Not in the slightest. I know some women that have no interest in science and engineering, and I also know some that are highly talented and very skilled electrical engineers.

    A good example from the tech sector is Carly Fiorina from Hewlett-Packard.
    She was president and chief executive officer of Hewlett-Packard Company from 1999 to 2005. She also served as chairman of the board from 2000 to 2005.
    Her bio is available at this site.
    Did she get this job because she is a woman? No, she got it because of her drive, determination, and ability. She was the best individual qualified for the job so it was hers.

    As for over-balance on the equality scale. In Canada, men aren’t allowed to take paternity leave for when their child is born. In Finland and Norway they are allowed to. I do admit, however that in areas such as the Middle East and parts of Asia have a very long way to go. A specific example of such was the fanaticism imposed by the Taliban in Afghanistan once they got the Soviets out of there. Their lack of separation between church and state and rather strict and literal interpretation of their religious texts took away the freedoms that the women were given by the Soviets. If you want to get really picky w/ western religions, part of the “traditional definition of marriage” was that the wife was the property of the man. Fortunately some things have changed here.

    Are things equal? No. Some things are, some favour men, some have tipped past equal to favour women.

  • At 9:00 AM, Blogger deepthoughts said…

    I can understand your frustration with wimpy, spineless males Ryann, and I can understand how you would have to deal with that a lot, as you are so much woman. I think the problem is that we're only slowly shifting the balance after centuries of patriarchal society and male-dominance in almost all aspects of life. You admit to wanting and enjoying the freedom that that shift in the balance has granted (the freedom to live independently, travel independently, financially support yourself, have equal access to education, etc etc) and at the same time I think you do understand that that same shift that gave you all these good things, took something away from men. It took away the confidence and power that comes with being the sole provider, the bread-winner, the protector, the owner. If a man is no longer needed to provide and protect you no wonder he will feel somewhat immasculated. All that remains now is finding personal balance. I think the truly strong men will find a way to maintain their confidence and power while incorporating the respect for an independent woman. There are always ways to excel, to rise above the masses, to be exceptional. And the exceptional man can earn the solid devotion, respect and admiration of a woman who is also committed to being excellent. All hope for strong, sexy men and strong, sexy women is not lost.

  • At 1:07 PM, Blogger Forrest Gibb said…

    Excellent substance and articulation deepthoughts.

    I don't know if it's the same in Canada but, the economic situation has helped blur the roles immensely. I'm 40 years old and for the longest time I was ashamed because my wife had to work. There are very few well paying blue collar jobs anymore. My mom never had to work while she raised 4 kids. If my wife didn't work we would live in Cleveland, maybe have a house worth next to nothing no matter how nice it was remodeled, and my daughter would get a horrible public school education.

    As it is, we have a modest house in the suburbs that increases in value, and my daughter gets an above average public school education. Once I accepted my fathers way of life didn't really exist anymore, I, and my wife consequently, were much happier in a our roles as equal partners.

    Other people might not think so, but, I think my strong woman is sexier than any bean=pole super model walking down the runway.

  • At 1:22 PM, Blogger Ryann said…

    awesome deepthoughts, very deep thoughts hahaha

    I think you're right, and I think women are starting to realize that we do need our Men. We had 30ish years to tell them we don't need them. (not good) Now I hope society will reaffirm that we DO!

    and that in needing a balance it's not nessessary to take away choice or opportunity. Most families require a double income- that's just economics. and Forrest, it is a different world. I think that is hard for every generation to accept.

    Our life is what we choose, and I do feel a spiritual journey is essential to a strong sense of self and purpose, which is needed in a loving partnership. It's all about Love... the rest is details.

    How could I Love my Man, and not want Him to achieve His potential, realize His dreams, and be the best Man, the best version of Himself... and How could my Man love me and not want the same for me?


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