What I need
It’s been an ongoing joke for weeks that I’m accepting applications for the position of “boyfriend” and with everything that’s been running through my head in the past couple of days I thought I should sit down and really revisit what I need.
I’m pretty sure when I say boyfriend people picture some cute accessory to my life. It’s probably because most of the time I think of boys as puppies. There are lots of things I want… like blue eyes and a hairy chest. But at the end of the day I’m actually looking for a partner—not a puppy, not a toy or an accessory, but someone who can compliment my life without getting in the way of it.
I actually caught myself saying to Rose in reference to The American, “He doesn’t live here. That’s awesome. He can’t interfere with my life. That might be a good distance.”
I wrote it out years ago. I just re-read it ten minutes ago. Most of it has remained the same, some of it I've updated. I think I’ve known for years what I really need.
So I’m throwing it out into the universe…
1. I want someone who can match me in every way. Who will not back down and who will challenge me. Someone who will help me realize my dreams and expand my mind.
2. I want to be with someone who is true in his opinion, will accept the challenge and communicate, and is stubborn and will argue rather than avoid, but will fight fair.
3. I want someone, whom I can learn from, in an equal partnership, who will ground me and who will create a sense of home.
4. I need a Man who is more powerful than I am. I need someone who I feel comfortable surrendering power and control to.
5. I want a man who adores how feminine and traditional I really am. I know my idea of traditional is different than most and juxtaposed with my ambition and independence it’s unique. I want to be his woman. I want to take care of my Man. I will honour and respect him and do everything I can to encourage and help him.
6. I want a partner with whom conversation will never be stale, who I can talk to about both the important things in life and about nothing
7. I need someone who appreciates my independence and will not feel threatened by it, or resentful of it. I need my space and my alone time. I’m a writer. It’s how I think, recharge, and refocus. I can’t handle clingy demands on my time and space.
8. I want a man who is ambitious, creative and intelligent, who is secure in his sense of self, and has his own life goals and dreams that do not come second to mine.
9. I want a partner who is educated and appreciates the dedication and commitment that it requires. He must love to learn, and love to think.
10. I want someone who I can be comfortable with in total silence
11. I need a man who I can snuggle up to and feel safe and protected
12. I deserve someone who understands unconditional love, and willingly offers to love me unconditionally and accept and return my level of commitment, dedication and loyalty. Someone who is emotionally available, will not take advantage of my love, nor hold back.
13. I deserve a man who respects and loves me enough to not deliberately disappoint or hurt me.
14. Trust. I need a man who I can trust with my life, my heart, and my soul. I will give him everything. I have to trust that he will take that responsibility seriously and protect me.
15. Honesty. It’s the foundation of every relationship I value. Even when it isn’t comfortable, I need a partner who will not lie to me. Lies of omission are still lies.
16. Appreciation of the beauty of life, and the simple pleasures.
17. I want a man who is physically active and takes care of his body and his health.
18. I want a man who is socially and environmentally responsible.
19. I will be with someone who respects my friends and family and my relationship with them, and who has a positive and healthy relationship with his own family.
20. I need a man who shares my values—especially of home, family, friendship, and loyalty. I’m looking for forever. I need a man who can understand and make that commitment.
21. I want a partner who wants children- who sees himself as a father and looks forward to being a part of a family.
22. I need someone who I can feel the energy between us, and the physical attraction cannot be ignored or rationalized, who is sexually compatible with me.
I’m pretty sure when I say boyfriend people picture some cute accessory to my life. It’s probably because most of the time I think of boys as puppies. There are lots of things I want… like blue eyes and a hairy chest. But at the end of the day I’m actually looking for a partner—not a puppy, not a toy or an accessory, but someone who can compliment my life without getting in the way of it.
I actually caught myself saying to Rose in reference to The American, “He doesn’t live here. That’s awesome. He can’t interfere with my life. That might be a good distance.”
I wrote it out years ago. I just re-read it ten minutes ago. Most of it has remained the same, some of it I've updated. I think I’ve known for years what I really need.
So I’m throwing it out into the universe…
1. I want someone who can match me in every way. Who will not back down and who will challenge me. Someone who will help me realize my dreams and expand my mind.
2. I want to be with someone who is true in his opinion, will accept the challenge and communicate, and is stubborn and will argue rather than avoid, but will fight fair.
3. I want someone, whom I can learn from, in an equal partnership, who will ground me and who will create a sense of home.
4. I need a Man who is more powerful than I am. I need someone who I feel comfortable surrendering power and control to.
5. I want a man who adores how feminine and traditional I really am. I know my idea of traditional is different than most and juxtaposed with my ambition and independence it’s unique. I want to be his woman. I want to take care of my Man. I will honour and respect him and do everything I can to encourage and help him.
6. I want a partner with whom conversation will never be stale, who I can talk to about both the important things in life and about nothing
7. I need someone who appreciates my independence and will not feel threatened by it, or resentful of it. I need my space and my alone time. I’m a writer. It’s how I think, recharge, and refocus. I can’t handle clingy demands on my time and space.
8. I want a man who is ambitious, creative and intelligent, who is secure in his sense of self, and has his own life goals and dreams that do not come second to mine.
9. I want a partner who is educated and appreciates the dedication and commitment that it requires. He must love to learn, and love to think.
10. I want someone who I can be comfortable with in total silence
11. I need a man who I can snuggle up to and feel safe and protected
12. I deserve someone who understands unconditional love, and willingly offers to love me unconditionally and accept and return my level of commitment, dedication and loyalty. Someone who is emotionally available, will not take advantage of my love, nor hold back.
13. I deserve a man who respects and loves me enough to not deliberately disappoint or hurt me.
14. Trust. I need a man who I can trust with my life, my heart, and my soul. I will give him everything. I have to trust that he will take that responsibility seriously and protect me.
15. Honesty. It’s the foundation of every relationship I value. Even when it isn’t comfortable, I need a partner who will not lie to me. Lies of omission are still lies.
16. Appreciation of the beauty of life, and the simple pleasures.
17. I want a man who is physically active and takes care of his body and his health.
18. I want a man who is socially and environmentally responsible.
19. I will be with someone who respects my friends and family and my relationship with them, and who has a positive and healthy relationship with his own family.
20. I need a man who shares my values—especially of home, family, friendship, and loyalty. I’m looking for forever. I need a man who can understand and make that commitment.
21. I want a partner who wants children- who sees himself as a father and looks forward to being a part of a family.
22. I need someone who I can feel the energy between us, and the physical attraction cannot be ignored or rationalized, who is sexually compatible with me.
posted by Ryann @ 13:46
10 Comments:
At 5:13 AM,
Cairde said…
I read this and I think of all the men I know, and am sure many of them would say they could be that man for a woman like you. In reality, none of them would qualify. I do hope you find someone who can be all that you need/want and more. I have learned through the relationships I have "endured", I will no longer settle and it's ok to let myself be spoiled by a man who truly loves me. We deserve it. :)
At 9:02 AM,
Kathryn said…
I have a feeling your wishes will come true!!
At 9:20 AM,
Ryann said…
thanks girls. I believe it too.
At 5:57 AM,
The Ferryman said…
If you can get someone who can bat 22 for 22 on that, God bless!
I hope you get it. You shouldn't have to settle.
At 11:13 AM,
Ryann said…
sigh... emotionally available. that's a big one isn't it. I think I count that one in the loving me unconditionally. but perhaps it is something I need to state. Put into the universe and wait for it to appear.
I want a man who is emotionally available!!
(and who has a delightful sense of humour and wit)
At 12:43 PM,
Avalon said…
So, are you casting for this role of "boyfriend" and unwilling to accept anything less....or are you willing to accept the fact that no human being is perfect?
I found your blog through someone elses blog...yada yada.
One thing I've learned as a happily married stripper is compromise. My hubby meets my emotional needs, but he is in no way perfect. I'd like to write a list of things about him I'd like him to change...but that is unrealistic. Because I'm sure he'd hand me a list twice as long ;)
At 6:25 PM,
Ryann said…
I consider that list the bare minimum of acceptable. I could add preferences all day. I don't want perfect. I want a partner. What I require of a partner is a lot. I know. compromise is different from settling. But no. I'm not willing to settle. Not a chance. I'm happy alone.
At 7:53 AM,
Justin said…
That list defines a man so perfect that I'D marry him if he came along, and I'm quite happy with my girlfriend.
The problem with defining perfect boyfriends is that it can be a way to shield yourself from actually struggling through a real human relationship. Since no man is good enough for you, you never have to do the messy work of actually being in love with someone.
If I can suggest something, make a list of flaws that you're willing to accept in a partner. If you can do that, then you're thinking seriously about it. Otherwise, it just seems like you're putting up a barrier to all men.
At 10:47 AM,
Ryann said…
I already know the flaws I don't mind. there are hundreds of things that aren't on that list. I honestly don't expect anyone to be perfect. Any of my friends could tell you that.
But I don't feel focusing on the flaws is a productive thing to do. Like attracts like. I want to attract what I want. I'm going to focus on what's really important and have faith that the universe will provide it.
At 10:56 AM,
Ryann said…
and while I'm at it... let's just be honest. I'm not looking for a boyfriend. I'm not lonely. I don't have the time to kill just being with someone for the sake of being with someone. I'm looking for a long term relationship. I'm looking for a spouse.
Take that universe! :-)
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