Ryann Reflections

A glimpse into the life of one anti-social stripper nerd.

Saturday, December 01, 2007

The best gig ever!

“We’ve built you a stage.” The masculine voice explains to me over the phone.
It catches me off guard. That’s odd. It’s a private party. But whatever. I take down the address and shrug it off. People are strange.

It’s 3:00 in the afternoon when I pull my car into the muddy path. “Are you sure this is a road?” I ask unconvinced into the phone.

He laughs at me. “Yes. I can see you. Just drive straight ahead. I'm waving at you.”

“AAAAAAAAAAHHHH that’s a huge puddle” I squeal, cringing as I drive my poor Jetta through the swamp. I can see my girlfriends laughing at me as they follow me in their Jeep into the construction site.

We’ve arrived—at a muddy unfinished construction site for an afternoon party… of some sort. The money is handed over and I count it quickly before stuffing it in my pocket and grabbing my bag from the trunk. Brit and Sam do the same. We exchange looks and laugh as we’re led into the concrete building.

“This feels like a sarcophagus” I comment as we make our way into basement of the structure. As we descend I can hear music growing louder.

“Okay so we have a dressing room for you set up and everything is ready to go. I know it’s cold in here but the dressing room is heated.”

I exchange looks with Sam and Brit. Sure enough we arrive in a heated room where they’ve thrown carpet down to make it cozy for us and supplied a couple benches.

“The stage is through this door here.” He explains, motioning to a nearby metal door.

We peek.

Two hundred guys cheer and shout in the warehouse sized room as a DJ spins in the corner. The music is already pounding. A disco ball has been installed filling the stage with actual lighting. Our jaws drop when we see the stage. There’s a pole, a tub, a shower, and a swing.

“What the fuck?” I laugh, shaking my head. “This is insane! It’s 3:00 in the afternoon.”

Sam bursts out laughing. We’re happy. We quickly plan our shows. Brit is going first, then Sam, and finally me. Once we’re done our individual shows we’ll do a group show.

The crowd erupts as Brit hoists herself onto the stage. In our dressing room Sam and I fix our makeup and get dressed. “This is great!” She grins.

“Yup!” I’m thrilled. “When was the last time any of us performed for a crowd like this? There’s two hundred guys and it’s as good a stage as any in a bar.”

“I wish the bars were like this.”

“Yeah! This is how it should be.”

Once Sam is done I jump up and pull myself onto the stage. The music is loud. The crowd is amazing and I don’t think I’ve ever had a gig this fun. Hell yah! I jump on the swing and fly through the air, grinning. The boys scream and wave money at me. I dance and dance and collect tips. I’m fucking happy.

Sweaty and loaded with a pile of money I finish my set and skitter back into the dressing room. “This is so fucking cool!”

Brit is grinning. “We have to do this again!”

“I know!”

We’re now dressed in beaters, denim skirts, and safety vests as the three of us climb back onto the stage. They’ve supplied us with strawberries, whipped cream, chocolate sauce, honey, and body wash. These guys have thought of everything.

We turn the shower on and allow the steam to billow as the water warms up. Wet T-shirt time! Soaked and giddy we play with the crowd and sell Polaroid pictures. I rip my shirt in half and sell it to an enthusiastic worker. We’re all collecting money, tossing it to the back of the stage.

We frolic in the tub. Sam squirts chocolate syrup on my chest as I feed Brit strawberries. This is so much fun!

Finally the money begins to slow down and we’ve had enough. We’re wet, dirty, and ecstatic as we plop down on the dressing room floor to divide up the group tips. What an amazing gig. I check the clock. It’s only 4:20. Sweet! We all need to go home and clean up before we go to work.

Grinning and giggling we climb back in our vehicles and they laugh as I scream driving through the massive puddle again. Sam follows me in her Jeep and I lead the way back towards downtown.

What a great way to start the workday. Fucking Sweet! I so want to do that again!

Labels: ,


  • At 5:10 PM, Blogger KellyNerd said…

    That sounds like so much fun! I bet it was a fantastic show too!

    The mother in me was all worried as I was reading your drive up the long driveway ... thankfully you mentioned you were with friends (OF COURSE - you are a smart girl!) ...

    Talk soon!

  • At 12:40 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    wow all that at 3 in the afternoon, interesting time :)

  • At 4:50 PM, Blogger KellyNerd said…

    i tagged you for a really fun meme... check out my blog today...

  • At 2:47 AM, Blogger Dean said…

    I didn't know that my brother had arranged a gig for you in the afternoon (LOL) - Completely sounds like his planning.

    Anyways, nuf said - glad you are still safe and that you had a great time - will be seeing you soon.


  • At 1:46 PM, Blogger Milissa said…

    That does sound like something Dean's bro would cook up. Sounds like a great time!!

  • At 11:27 AM, Blogger Stiletto said…

    it does sound like something he would do. haha it was fun.


Post a Comment

<< Home