Ryann Reflections

A glimpse into the life of one anti-social stripper nerd.

Monday, December 31, 2007

bye bye 2007

Wow. I can’t believe this year is already over. I have to say I’m relieved. It’s been exhausting but I’m sure 2008 will be a good year. I just didn’t expect it to be starting with such major change. I’ll be starting new jobs soon. I don’t know what they are, or how I’m going to pay my bills without stilettos but I will.

I’m heartbroken. I really am. I love dancing with all my heart and soul and the women in this industry. I’m not ready to walk away. I’m really not. I have to tell myself I’ll come back to it and I’m sure I will. I’ll take the occasional gig here and there. I’ll cover a shift for a friend but as a fulltime job I’m done.

I’ll be in Squamish this week for a couple of days but I don’t have any bookings after that.

I’m mad at the world that I’m being forced to stop dancing. I’m mad at the city for targeting strippers and making running a strip club impossible. I’m mad at them for shutting us down, for being so self-righteous about it, and for being so blind to the lives their agenda is hurting.

I’m pissed at the driver that failed to yield and caused the car accident that has left me still injured more than eight months later. If I was healthy I could have gone back out on the road. I could have kept dancing.

But mostly I’m mad at the world for forcing me to start over, pick up the pieces, and rebuild—again. I’ll always be okay. I’ll always land on my feet and survive. I don’t actually need the help and support I want. I’ll be even stronger. I’ll be okay. I’m just so tired of having to be.

I’m heading out dancing in a couple of hours. A couple girlfriends and I are going Salsa dancing to ring in the New Year. Thank God 2007 is over. I need a change.

I don’t do “resolutions” but I do take personal inventory, reflect, and make goals and priorities for the coming year. This year my goals are to…

Be awesome-er
Financially stable
Pelvic-ly stable

Ha! I know in my heart that 2008 is going to be a good year. I shouldn't be so hard on 2007. I grew a lot but it's time to bring on the happy times!

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