Ryann Reflections

A glimpse into the life of one anti-social stripper nerd.

Saturday, March 17, 2007

It doesn't matter what I say.

I had a great night. The company was great. The music was awesome and there was no bloodshed or tears. (at least that I know of)

I doubt I can defend my absurd relationship with The Musician. I know many people would be much happier if I would just find a (good enough) man and become part of a societal acceptable partnership. Then I would be properly “figured out” and categorized. I would meet other people’s expectations of what I deserve and what I need and everyone could sleep at night- everyone except me.

I know it doesn’t matter what I say. It doesn’t matter if I say I’m happy, or if I say I don’t want a boyfriend, it’ll still be heard as something entirely different. People will hear that I don’t think I’m good enough, or that I just haven’t met the “right one”. People will say “just wait- it’ll happen to you when you least expect it”.

It doesn’t matter what I say. It doesn’t matter how I feel. I’m something else. I don’t fit into that bubble. I never have. I don’t even want to. I don’t even want to care about The Musician, but I do. Maybe someday I’ll feel differently.

I’m selfish when it comes to my life. I don’t want to take anyone else into consideration.

I guess people are welcome to read my words and think I’m lost or in denial, or just waiting… I know it doesn’t matter what I say.

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3 Comments:

  • At 1:04 AM, Blogger Ginger said…

    "All Time Is Now"
    So basically, you are exactly where you are supposed to be.
    Love you!

     
  • At 1:37 PM, Blogger Me is Newfie's Woman said…

    You will have life the way you want it. Is there something wrong with that??

    If me was to fit into a perfect relationship catogory by other people's standards me would not be in love with the man me is in love with. Love picks you, you don't pick it. Happy, sad, however you feel , it is yer feelings that matter. That's all that's important. Yer feelings. And if you life according to what others want yer gonna be a very miserable lady. Don't do that to yerself.

    And yea, me knows that me sounds like a mass of condradictions. But isnt that what life is about. Society has ''normal'' so overrated it makes me wanna scream

    Good luck

     
  • At 3:48 PM, Blogger Ryann said…

    thx girls

     

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