boundaries.
Here’s a great one for you. I met Hitch at the taboo show. He runs a dating coaching service. This is an important point— He TEACHES men how to date. He prides himself of being able to talk to women. Hitch expressed an interest in advertising with Stiletto Storm so I emailed him back to arrange a business meeting to discuss the options. The email conversation turned into a text messages as the day progressed. I tried to set up a business meeting in the afternoon, he was only free evenings. I was only free Tuesday night so I emailed him back to see if that would work…
Hitch: Hey Ryann. In a meeting now but free later. How about 9:40 at Celebrities?
Me: That sounds a lot like a bar
Hitch: It IS a gay club. Davie and Burrard. Tonight is usually good. Straight night.
Me: No. I hate bars. It’s what I do for a living and useless for a conversation
Hitch: Tonight you are not to work. Just relax where no one knows your name
Me: If you want to meet for coffee to have a conversation, great. But I’m not a club kid.
Hitch: Actually I am not either. I just go once in a while to see some buddies. If we don’t like it, we can always go elsewhere ;-)
Me: I’m not going.
Hitch: Hey Taurus and supposed to be the stubborn ones not Sagittarius
Me: Guess you learned something new :-P
Hitch: Ha. No, I’m the evil one here, not you. Ok I meet some friends at Blenz at Davie and Granville we cam meet there at 9:20 and figure it out. Ok.
Me: We can set up a meeting over coffee when you have time. Enjoy yourself tonight.
Hitch: No I will say Hi then ditch my friends for you.
Me: your choice.
Ha. I want to see you
Me: It sounds like you already have plans. Perhaps we should reschedule this meeting.
Hitch: Ok, I’ll skip the gym and see you tonight and don’t you worry about my friends. 9:20 Blenz?
Me: fine. 9:30.
I roll my eyes and look at the clock. Business is one thing but he is starting to push my buttons. Aside from suggesting we meet at a bar most of the emails have still suggested that he’s interested in advertising. I grab a marketing package and reluctantly head downtown.
He grins when he sees me and walks right up to me. “You’re short.”
“Without stilettos, yes I am.” I walk past him and order myself a tea. “So, advertising.” I hop onto the stool and grab my notebook.
“You have really beautiful eyes.”
“Thanks. So what’s your demographic?”
“Oh we have two kinds of clients. The first are young, in an ideal position to meet women, but lack the confidence.’
“Mmhmm”
“The others are older, very career focused and haven’t made time, or divorced and looking to restart.”
“Makes sense. And you offer what services?”
“I believe that everyone is looking for that deeper connection. I teach them how to create that chemistry.” He grabs my hand with both of his and stares at me. “Finding that connection, knowing who you are.”
I pull my hand back and resist the urge to slide my stool further away. I lean back. He leans in. He’s in my space. I hate people in my bubble. “Ok. With your demographic being primarily men I can see there being a market for you through the website, and in the program may reach some audience members but you said you are expanding to coaching women as well?”
“Yes.” He slides in closer.
I hate people in my space. “Ok well our show is primarily targeted to women. There will be men attending of course, but our target audience is women. Is that something you feel you could benefit from?”
He touches my shoulder and leans in close. “You should relax. Just enjoy yourself. Tell me about you.”
It’s going to be a long meeting at this rate. I glance at the clock and try to move my stool back. He won’t get out of my space. If he touches me again I swear I’m going to hit him. “What would you like to know?” I reply reluctantly.
I finally escape after what seems like an eternity of cheesy lines, shallow attempts at romance by ‘creating the chemistry’, and a constant invasion of my personal space. Ick.
It’s eighteen hours later. My phone beeps as a text message flashes on the screen.
Hitch: Hey I just heard of a special movie thing that you would be into. Want to go? 7 or 9pm?
Me: I have plans.
Hitch: Can you break them?
Me: No!
I’m regretting that this guy has my number. I expected issues with being a stripper running a business and having to be accessible but FUCK! My plans are not imaginary. I don't create fictional appointments. Why do these guys insist on thinking I'm just waiting for a man to rescue me from my fake life. ARGH!
A week passes. Saturday afternoon another nauseating text message appears on my phone.
Hitch: Hey, what are you doing?
Me: Relaxing
Hitch: Good. Come see me. Bring some soup.
Me: What! No.
Hitch: Haa
Me. Have you given any thought to advertising or sponsoring?
Hitch: No business talk today please.
Me: Ah so these are just random personal messages
Hitch: Yes shorty, you should check out the wellness show. It’s for women more than guys.
Me: In that case you can contact me during work hours to talk business.
Hitch: Work hours are all over the place aren’t they? How about a casual meet? Today?
Me: You said no business today. I agree. This is my personal time. I appreciate you respecting that. Let me know when you want to do business.
Hitch: I’m trying to ask you out on a date :-P sheesh
Me: I’m not interested.
Hitch: Casual of course. Don’t get any ideas. Have you lost that loving feeling?
Me: do you teach your clients about boundaries?
Remember… this guy… TEACHES men how to date and be attractive.
Hitch: Hey Ryann. In a meeting now but free later. How about 9:40 at Celebrities?
Me: That sounds a lot like a bar
Hitch: It IS a gay club. Davie and Burrard. Tonight is usually good. Straight night.
Me: No. I hate bars. It’s what I do for a living and useless for a conversation
Hitch: Tonight you are not to work. Just relax where no one knows your name
Me: If you want to meet for coffee to have a conversation, great. But I’m not a club kid.
Hitch: Actually I am not either. I just go once in a while to see some buddies. If we don’t like it, we can always go elsewhere ;-)
Me: I’m not going.
Hitch: Hey Taurus and supposed to be the stubborn ones not Sagittarius
Me: Guess you learned something new :-P
Hitch: Ha. No, I’m the evil one here, not you. Ok I meet some friends at Blenz at Davie and Granville we cam meet there at 9:20 and figure it out. Ok.
Me: We can set up a meeting over coffee when you have time. Enjoy yourself tonight.
Hitch: No I will say Hi then ditch my friends for you.
Me: your choice.
Ha. I want to see you
Me: It sounds like you already have plans. Perhaps we should reschedule this meeting.
Hitch: Ok, I’ll skip the gym and see you tonight and don’t you worry about my friends. 9:20 Blenz?
Me: fine. 9:30.
I roll my eyes and look at the clock. Business is one thing but he is starting to push my buttons. Aside from suggesting we meet at a bar most of the emails have still suggested that he’s interested in advertising. I grab a marketing package and reluctantly head downtown.
He grins when he sees me and walks right up to me. “You’re short.”
“Without stilettos, yes I am.” I walk past him and order myself a tea. “So, advertising.” I hop onto the stool and grab my notebook.
“You have really beautiful eyes.”
“Thanks. So what’s your demographic?”
“Oh we have two kinds of clients. The first are young, in an ideal position to meet women, but lack the confidence.’
“Mmhmm”
“The others are older, very career focused and haven’t made time, or divorced and looking to restart.”
“Makes sense. And you offer what services?”
“I believe that everyone is looking for that deeper connection. I teach them how to create that chemistry.” He grabs my hand with both of his and stares at me. “Finding that connection, knowing who you are.”
I pull my hand back and resist the urge to slide my stool further away. I lean back. He leans in. He’s in my space. I hate people in my bubble. “Ok. With your demographic being primarily men I can see there being a market for you through the website, and in the program may reach some audience members but you said you are expanding to coaching women as well?”
“Yes.” He slides in closer.
I hate people in my space. “Ok well our show is primarily targeted to women. There will be men attending of course, but our target audience is women. Is that something you feel you could benefit from?”
He touches my shoulder and leans in close. “You should relax. Just enjoy yourself. Tell me about you.”
It’s going to be a long meeting at this rate. I glance at the clock and try to move my stool back. He won’t get out of my space. If he touches me again I swear I’m going to hit him. “What would you like to know?” I reply reluctantly.
I finally escape after what seems like an eternity of cheesy lines, shallow attempts at romance by ‘creating the chemistry’, and a constant invasion of my personal space. Ick.
It’s eighteen hours later. My phone beeps as a text message flashes on the screen.
Hitch: Hey I just heard of a special movie thing that you would be into. Want to go? 7 or 9pm?
Me: I have plans.
Hitch: Can you break them?
Me: No!
I’m regretting that this guy has my number. I expected issues with being a stripper running a business and having to be accessible but FUCK! My plans are not imaginary. I don't create fictional appointments. Why do these guys insist on thinking I'm just waiting for a man to rescue me from my fake life. ARGH!
A week passes. Saturday afternoon another nauseating text message appears on my phone.
Hitch: Hey, what are you doing?
Me: Relaxing
Hitch: Good. Come see me. Bring some soup.
Me: What! No.
Hitch: Haa
Me. Have you given any thought to advertising or sponsoring?
Hitch: No business talk today please.
Me: Ah so these are just random personal messages
Hitch: Yes shorty, you should check out the wellness show. It’s for women more than guys.
Me: In that case you can contact me during work hours to talk business.
Hitch: Work hours are all over the place aren’t they? How about a casual meet? Today?
Me: You said no business today. I agree. This is my personal time. I appreciate you respecting that. Let me know when you want to do business.
Hitch: I’m trying to ask you out on a date :-P sheesh
Me: I’m not interested.
Hitch: Casual of course. Don’t get any ideas. Have you lost that loving feeling?
Me: do you teach your clients about boundaries?
Remember… this guy… TEACHES men how to date and be attractive.
Labels: stories
posted by Ryann @ 14:19
10 Comments:
At 3:56 PM,
Sugar. said…
OMG!! What a dork! If that is what he is teaching his clients, they should ask for their money back. Yikes!
At 10:37 PM,
Anonymous said…
What he was doing was something called 'building value', it's an overly advertised and misconceived concept aimed at connecting with shallow people that have the memory span of a goldfish. It's sort of like fishing with dynamite, only your fish is intimacy and the dynamite is pulling out your arrogance and stroking it on the table. Basically you put the person down, then you compliment them, put them down, compliment them... It triggers curiosity reactions in people with abuse in their history (much of the population).
These guys are also experts at cold calling and text messaging, they wear unwary women down over time and are prepared to play it like a strategy game for weeks. If he keeps it up, I'd just call block him.
To be honest, the technique offends the hell out of me... And I'm a guy with background in sociology. This guy probably went and took one of those $2500 courses on dating, got some success by fishing the bottom of the barrel in the brain-dead-alley of singles clubs and has decided to make his living passing on the same re-chewed crap he was fed.
It's good to see a lady seeing it for the BS it is.
At 11:40 PM,
Glamourpuss said…
Ugh, he sounds revolting. What a tosser. Your resistance is admirable - I'd feel obliged to be far more polite, and would no doubt suffer the consequences. Well done for maintaining you boundaries, girly.
Puss
At 9:18 AM,
Ryann said…
Deightine that's fascinating. I had no idea. Thanks. you taught me something new.
At 10:46 AM,
Unknown said…
I have to agree with Deightine. Sounds like this dude read a book on body language, watched a couple romantic movies (which generally portray romance as a strange stalking ritual) and read a "how-to" on a couple of dating web-sites.
The concept Deightine is referring to is one that is used in a lot of different scenarios and is usually meant to separate the weak of the herd and build them as you see fit. At least in some uses (Good call on the low self-esteem - def. works better with people who have low self worth.)
The perfect example of this is... Wait for it... The military! They knock you down - build you up - knock you down - build you up. It's how they create people who will follow orders and require their guidance or acceptance.
As for the boundaries part of this, as I'm sure you know - he was trying to break the touch barrier with you and create rapport. Unfortunately - he was working from the "You can tell a woman is interested if..." side of the book. Did he play with his hair, adopt the same postures as you were using and expose vulnerable parts of his body like his neck (not the other vulnerable part - if that was the case this would probably be a police statement and not a blog entry).
Great entry! It's just another thing to list on my "Don't do this" list.
At 11:22 AM,
TR said…
What a creep.
At 1:36 PM,
Anonymous said…
Ryann, if you'd like to learn more about it... There have been a few exposes written into the dating training scene. A particularly good example of the pained immoralities came from a writer for Rolling Stone named Neil Strauss. The book is entitled "The Game" and is basically the writer's Hunter S Thompson style attempt to learn about the community.
Good example, but one that is best taken with a pound of salt. Possibly two. The most realistic part is reading the sections where people started burning out on how fake the lifestyle is. It's pretty pathetic... but educational.
At 2:45 PM,
Ryann said…
yeah... I'm familiar with the game but I'm not about to waste my time reading it. I figure it would just make me nauseous. :-)
At 8:43 AM,
Maidy said…
I've met men (and women) like that. Irritating pratts they are. Makes you want to stick a mouse trap on your shoulder or thigh just to teach them the "you no touchy least ye lose a digit" lesson.
At 11:18 AM,
thatgirl said…
good fucking grief. i can't believe that kind of creepy, insulting, and conniving attitude would work on anyone. it's so sad to think that people might actually fall for it. ugh. it offends ME that so many people seem to think that because you are a stripper you're automatically going to be available all the time, interested in all males apparently, and up for something 'casual'. gah!
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