Pink clouds

The clouds were pink this afternoon. The days are short, but it's the only thing that feels like winter. It's warm, there's still no sign of snow, and it feels like spring. The cotton candy colours reminded me of a book from my childhood, a time of simple stories and simple solutions.

I'm having trouble isolating what is on my mind today, too many thoughts, too many emotions. I'm thinking about my friend... my friend who died of cancer almost 8 months ago. I'm thinking of another friend who will soon loose his father to cancer. I'm thinking about what kind of friend I am, and what I have to offer. I'm wondering how I decide which friendships to rekindle, and which old friends I leave behind. I'm thinking of the process of grieving, of loss... of rebuilding.

I'm counting down to Christmas, I'm looking forward to going home and seeing my friends and family. Yet in the back of my mind I know it will be my first Christmas without him. I know Christmas Eve he won't be sitting next to me in church. I won't be able to rest my head on his shoulder as we sing "silent night".

I'm thinking about how much my life has changed this year, how much I've changed. I miss my friend.
oh well... back to work.