Ryann Reflections

A glimpse into the life of one anti-social stripper nerd.

Monday, January 16, 2006

The beginning

Rain. Wind. More rain. More wind.

It’s miserable out. I’m sitting in the lobby of the hotel listening to the wind howl through the streets. I was actually blown OFF a sidewalk this evening… and while I might be tiny, I’m not THAT puny. The hotel is great, not anything spectacular... but I have internet, a room to myself, and a coffee shop within the building.

It is officially the beginning of this road trip. I’ll have one more night at home to pack up all the winter stuff, but there are no more days off without travel for 2 months… sigh.

I don’t want to go. I spent the entire day yesterday (6 hours) in coffee shops visiting friends and saying goodbye… getting all teary eyed and mushy. I have the BESTEST friends in the whole wide world!!!

I wonder how long I can be a gypsy. I know it’s only two months… and I do (most days) like my job… but I miss coffee afternoons and walks along the waterfront. I miss hugs and hearing “I love you”. I miss the physical comfort of having a shoulder to lean on or a hand to grasp. I wonder what will change while I’m gone. I wonder what I’ll miss. I wonder what I’m leaving that I won’t be able to come back to…

I wonder how I will reconcile my personal and professional goals with a personal life… and when. (I have a crush... shhh). As I change I’m finding myself wanting different things… I’m starting to want more. I want to be more than the escape, the distraction, the affair, or the fantasy… I want to be real.

Nothing to do or say at this point… We’ll see how things are when I get back...


  • At 7:18 AM, Blogger Cairde said…

    I hate saying goodbye, but I try to stick to the old saying "absence makes the heart grow fonder" and maybe things will be even better when you return. Maybe then you will be closer to giving up the "gypsy" life....or you will just have some great stories for the coffee shop chats. :)

  • At 2:46 PM, Blogger The Recovering Straight Girl said…

    Let me know if you are traveling through Portland, I'll come watch your show!


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