Ryann Reflections

A glimpse into the life of one anti-social stripper nerd.

Sunday, January 01, 2006


"We have trust issues. He doesn't need attention from The Stripper... You throw yourself at everyone and stick your ass out like a whore. I don't want you talking to him... You SHOULD be ashamed of your job! But instead you prance around like you're proud of it or something..."

Sigh... this was the phone call I received last night while I was out for a lovely New Years dinner with friends. Unfortunately it was quite drawn out and painful, especially since the 'boyfriend' is simply the stepson of my dear friend. We live in the same house, wander in and out of the same family, and have known each other for many years. The minor detail that we have NEVER been involved in any romantic or sexual relationship is obviously totally irrelevant now that I am 'The Stripper'.

It saddens me to watch such a relationship. It saddens me to watch people navigate the delicate balance as time turns love into angry bitterness, and yet they cling to the false security of years past, desperately trying to erase reality.

I am so irrelevant to their relationship, so detached from their problems. I just live here. I just want a place at home to be free from judgment, abuse, and personal attacks centered on calling me a whore. I will not apologize for my appearance, or my confidence. I will not be ashamed of my independence.

I was polite, but firm in my phone manner. I was assertive, direct, and respectful to her. But it hurts. It hurts that the insecurities of one young woman can be so easily projected onto me, simply because of proximity. It hurts that a person can be so wrapped up in selfish bitterness and anger that they forget the humanity of another.

I hope someday these two people find happiness. I hope eventually they are able to rebuild individual lives, and find a way to work beyond the resentment. I just wish my emotional santuary wasn't a target.


  • At 7:26 AM, Blogger Chickie said…

    Sheesh. Their relationship probably won't survive 2006 if they have such "trust" issues. Sorry that your dinner was interrupted with such crap!


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