Ryann Reflections

A glimpse into the life of one anti-social stripper nerd.

Friday, February 24, 2006

Too Beautiful

I watch his hands move over the strings and remember the feel of his fingers along my spine. The creative spirit is intoxicating. I watch him and let the harmony flow through my body. I long for the taste of his lips as he sings. I could sit here forever and listen to him play, my own personal background melody. The rhythm flows, creating an intense aphrodisiac.

He asks me if I’m bored, if only he knew how peaceful I am while he plays.

I do wonder how this will go. I have been systematically ridding myself of the “friends with benefits” and other such men in my life. I’m down to one, Whiskey. I know when this one ends I will hurt. I know there are emotions attached. I’m not in love, and I maintain determined distance… but honesty begins in your own mind. I know I care. I know despite my defenses, I waiver on foolish hopes. Hopes are not expectations, but they will carry disappointment.

I know it will be a disaster, and it saddens me that someday this friendship will dissolve as the others have. Melancholy moments flutter through my mind as I cling to this beautiful day.

I’m not blind. The dynamics amaze me at times because I refuse to assume. I do not know what the months will bring. I could not have predicted we’d be here a year ago.

I’m lying. I do assume. I assume the worst. I assume he does not care. I assume he will not call. I assume he will find someone else. I assume our relationship is superficial and disposable. I know I'm right.

“I don’t think I could date a dancer”
“I don’t date musicians”

Well then… we are quite the pair. I just hope I can preserve some level of emotional distance. It may be futile, but I’m not willing to walk away from this one yet.

It’s still too beautiful.

1 Comments:

  • At 8:48 AM, Blogger Gadzilla said…

    "There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so." - Shakespeare

     

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