Ryann Reflections

A glimpse into the life of one anti-social stripper nerd.

Sunday, February 19, 2006

wonderful tonight

The music rises through the floor. I can feel the bass vibrations as I walk. Soon the music will fade and the crowd will disperse. Soon I will be able to sleep. I know it’s late in the evening because the harmony has improved. By now, the grinding has been replaced by intoxicated romance, and it’s time to secure a meaningful overnight relationship. I stop packing for a moment and absorb the lyrics. Secluded from the meat-market below me, I welcome the nostalgia. The song is lovely. I pause to remember another life.

“My darling, you look wonderful tonight”

It was a lifetime ago. That relationship was many things, but the memories linger. I remember being loved and cherished. It may have been an illusion, it may have been temporary, but when I hear certain songs I am drawn into an isolated memory. I remember feeling safe. I remember being adored. I remember a time when compliments touched me.

I wonder when “you’re beautiful” will mean something again, perhaps it won’t. Perhaps surface images will never hold the same value in my heart as they once did. I may be waiting for someone to see beyond the sex appeal and behind the academia. I may be waiting for someone to appreciate the flaws, the special idiosyncrasies that take time and effort to discover.

It’s been a good week, and I’ve made some good friends. I like the people here. I like the bar, and I like the town. My faith in humanity has gained a few points this week. Tonight I will rest, tomorrow I will drive.


  • At 10:12 AM, Blogger Cairde said…

    I miss having someone adore me for the "little things" and be amused by my dorky behavior. Life just seems to overrun those small things and the love is lost. If only we could hold onto them. Accepting that I will never feel the comfort of resting my head on a loved one's shoulder is hard, but someday I hope to be able to look back and smile when I remember and not cry. I hope we both find that again someday...


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