Rape
Rape scares me.
Rape fucking pisses me off.
I have been lucky so far, I have not been raped. I hate that luck is even a factor. But every woman knows it is. I know too many women who have been raped, assaulted or humiliated. Subjugation, what a despicable power trip.
I will not fear men. I don’t want to hate men. I want to love humanity and all the glorious unique individuals it encompasses, of every gender. But I see and hear so much. I know there are many men who love, cherish, and respect women… But I see so many who do not. They may be the exception, but I’m not talking about habitually violent and destructive men that land in jail for sexual assault. What scares me is not that some serial rapist is on the streets preying on women.
I’m talking about the guy in the hostel who thinks “tourists are easy”, especially if they travel alone or accept a drink. I’m talking about the guy who works in the office, who has been married for 20 years, has teenage children, whose wife has no idea how often he solicits sex. I’m talking about the twenty-five year old guy that thinks drunk implies consent. I’m talking about the teacher that stares at fifteen year old girls breasts in math class. I’m talking about the guy who forgets that his buddy’s permission is NOT her permission. I’m talking about the thirty year old who entices his sixteen year old foster sister into playing strip poker.
I’m talking about a deep-rooted arrogance that certain women exist as possessions. I see the difference between how a man will look at me as a stripper, as an object, as a whore, and how he will go home to his wife and daughter and never consider the connection. What scares me is how easy it is to dehumanize an individual.
It’s heartbreaking how superficial and embarrassing the lack of consideration of my dreams, fears, strengths and hopes can be for the man that simplifies my being into “I’d like to fuck her”.
Well fuck you.
I don’t exist for your pleasure. I don’t strip for your approval. I am not powerless. I am not silent, and I am not stupid. But I am a beautiful, sexually expressive young woman and there are those who surmise I’m asking for it, I want it, or I deserve it. There are people who see my occupation as crossing a line. That by exposing my body I become “the other”. That by revealing my breasts I cease to be a daughter, loved and respected, and become an object to be possessed and discarded. There are men and women who believe sex workers, be they whores, peelers, or porn stars are not deserving of protection and defense.
Well fuck you too.
I lock my doors behind me, and keep my keys in my hand. I drive. I phone a friend if I am alone at night. I make sure someone knows where I am. I never leave a drink unattended and I don’t become intoxicated in unfamiliar situations. I know I need to maintain control, and not give away my power. I am thankful for my friends and family that call me regularly just to ask “How are you? Where are you? Where are you going next?” I take what precautions I can. I do my best.
But I HATE that I have to. It angers me that I am safer in a peeler bar than in Stanley Park. My experience in strip clubs has increased my attentiveness and mistrust. I am aware of the potential. I am safer as a stripper, than as a student. For that I am both thankful and infuriated.
It breaks my heart that women are not safe. It scars my soul to know the potential exists and so many women are already grieving in silence.
Rape fucking pisses me off.
I have been lucky so far, I have not been raped. I hate that luck is even a factor. But every woman knows it is. I know too many women who have been raped, assaulted or humiliated. Subjugation, what a despicable power trip.
I will not fear men. I don’t want to hate men. I want to love humanity and all the glorious unique individuals it encompasses, of every gender. But I see and hear so much. I know there are many men who love, cherish, and respect women… But I see so many who do not. They may be the exception, but I’m not talking about habitually violent and destructive men that land in jail for sexual assault. What scares me is not that some serial rapist is on the streets preying on women.
I’m talking about the guy in the hostel who thinks “tourists are easy”, especially if they travel alone or accept a drink. I’m talking about the guy who works in the office, who has been married for 20 years, has teenage children, whose wife has no idea how often he solicits sex. I’m talking about the twenty-five year old guy that thinks drunk implies consent. I’m talking about the teacher that stares at fifteen year old girls breasts in math class. I’m talking about the guy who forgets that his buddy’s permission is NOT her permission. I’m talking about the thirty year old who entices his sixteen year old foster sister into playing strip poker.
I’m talking about a deep-rooted arrogance that certain women exist as possessions. I see the difference between how a man will look at me as a stripper, as an object, as a whore, and how he will go home to his wife and daughter and never consider the connection. What scares me is how easy it is to dehumanize an individual.
It’s heartbreaking how superficial and embarrassing the lack of consideration of my dreams, fears, strengths and hopes can be for the man that simplifies my being into “I’d like to fuck her”.
Well fuck you.
I don’t exist for your pleasure. I don’t strip for your approval. I am not powerless. I am not silent, and I am not stupid. But I am a beautiful, sexually expressive young woman and there are those who surmise I’m asking for it, I want it, or I deserve it. There are people who see my occupation as crossing a line. That by exposing my body I become “the other”. That by revealing my breasts I cease to be a daughter, loved and respected, and become an object to be possessed and discarded. There are men and women who believe sex workers, be they whores, peelers, or porn stars are not deserving of protection and defense.
Well fuck you too.
I lock my doors behind me, and keep my keys in my hand. I drive. I phone a friend if I am alone at night. I make sure someone knows where I am. I never leave a drink unattended and I don’t become intoxicated in unfamiliar situations. I know I need to maintain control, and not give away my power. I am thankful for my friends and family that call me regularly just to ask “How are you? Where are you? Where are you going next?” I take what precautions I can. I do my best.
But I HATE that I have to. It angers me that I am safer in a peeler bar than in Stanley Park. My experience in strip clubs has increased my attentiveness and mistrust. I am aware of the potential. I am safer as a stripper, than as a student. For that I am both thankful and infuriated.
It breaks my heart that women are not safe. It scars my soul to know the potential exists and so many women are already grieving in silence.
posted by Ryann @ 21:21
6 Comments:
At 6:29 AM,
Cairde said…
Not only am I angered by the men who can do such horrible things, but I am even more angered by the closed-minded sons of bitches who give some blame to the victim. There was a young college student brutally raped and murdered in New York recently and I sat and listened to a television talk show in which the host (who was as angry as I was) read emails from viewers who said this young woman should not have been out at 2am and drinking alone...so it is partly her fault. So this psycho wouldn't have raped and murdered if this girl wasn't "stupid" enough to be there that night. BULLSHIT! She should be able to go wherever she wants, whenever. Because some humans are complete pieces of shit should not make me rush to lock my doors, walk atleast 10ft around other parked cars at night, constantly look behind me when I walk (even during the day in the woods). I am tired of hiding, tired of having that fear constantly in the back of my head.
At 5:33 PM,
Anonymous said…
I teach basic self defense for women who wish to gie themselves a little knowledge about how to defend themselves ... but you seem to have already taken in the first, and foremost lesson.
Be aware of your surroundings, don't flash wads of cash, and if you are in a situation where you are feeling intimidated, look for the exit strategy, NOT the fight. It is a shame that there is a need to teach such things, but huMAN nature is not always pretty ... better to be prepared.
And Pita, I am a man, well trained in a variety of ways to disembowel :) and I still look behind me. I have been in the wildest of jungles and forests and the only time I have ever felt threatened is face to face with a man. Fortunately, I have also travelled enough throughout this great country and world to know that MOST people are good people, or at least they aren't a threat. You could hitchhike for 60 straight days and meet nothing but great people (which I did), or you could get onto one bus in a foreign country and get a knife pulled on you (which I did). It is hard to do, but living in fear is pointless ... reducing risk in a rational manner works way better.
Later ;)
At 7:01 PM,
Anonymous said…
I'm not sure of the context of the original post, I'm not sure even where this thread is headed with TV hosts and fear and self defence...
but let me say this,
yes these things piss me off, yes there are other things
that I would like to think about during my day and I end up on a down wind when I hear, or read, or see them on the news.
no it doesn't make me think that someone is following me or that I should be worried about whether or not I am out on the street late or not.
although I understand that it can and does do that to people.
There are no perfect societies, there are no "real" safe places in this world.. there are few really "good" people. Given the wrong circumstances there will always be those who take the easy route, those who don't think before they jump on the opportunity or walk briskly over the line.
take for instance video cameras at skytrain stations and on street corners. yes i'm sure crime does happen less, or rather I'm sure that obvious crime happens less... like people likely don't get mugged or raped in these places, but people still ride the subway on their way to meet their mistress or go to and from the club downtown or the red light district or whatever.. that and people still rob banks, people still get beat to hell in jail cells across the world, yes including in Canada and more importantly people still get raped, people still get mugged, car jacked and murdered only a short distance away from these so called 'safe' zones, in 'park and ride' lots and the lot behind the dinner down the street.
even more unforchunate.. there is no real sure way to tell one from the other, a person that may step over the line to one who won't, a person who will only go so far from one who will go all the way without looking back, or a person who hasn't done anything but might or would or will from a person who "would, or could never" but has.
take for instance the police, there are fewer good people, really good people in the police forces, working for security companies or part of the military reserves than we would hope... well good people often can't stomach it either, or end up turning into diferent people than they were when they went in. Also, the extensive testing, while it tends to weed out the most obvious and the generally dangerous etc. it does little for the guy who's been working the same job dealing with in general the worst of the population and even when not dealing with some of the worst situations imaginable... who finally can't take it anymore and flips out, walks briskly over the line and does something stupid, mindless or dreadfully inhuman.
it's sad... but it's our world and we make the best of it and change it however we can... little by little, day by day.
word by word and act by act.
At 11:08 PM,
Ryann said…
Sanchez, you teach self-defense? learn something new everyday. yes, I understand step one- don't give away your power.
Pita, anger is fucking brilliant
me...
it's sad... but it's our world and we make the best of it and change it however we can... little by little, day by day.
word by word and act by act.
Thank you for your words. I truly believe the only thing than CAN change the world is one person. I strive to be one of those persons in my own small way.
At 7:40 PM,
Anonymous said…
As for this Hanna AB sport you speak of, I understand the frustration, but maybe what they need is a
stage and beer in a park to distract idiots, or maybe a rapist will be distracted if some yells "girl on girl action" when trouble happens.
I have a relatie who was safe until she stopped dancing and retired to her Hanna Hotel Room;imagine that and those right wing
idiots and feminists claim the danger was stripping and the show lounges? The attacker wasn't even a legal age, hek his daddy may have even told him about her.
The creature got the key somehow.
Oh then layer fucked her as well. --- Gölök ZLF Buday, http://www.now.myegotimes.com/
At 6:57 PM,
Unknown said…
I quote-
Dirty Sanchez said...I have been in the wildest of jungles and forests and the only time I have ever felt threatened is face to face with a man. Fortunately, I have also travelled enough throughout this great country and world to know that MOST people are good people, or at least they aren't a threat.
Yes a man may not be a threat to another man because most of the time a sexual predator is not going to find prey of more or equal strength, but rather one with less strength, hence most women are less physically strong than most men. It's not a sexist statement, it's just facts. But, these asshole men who abuse their power, need to reflect and think just because they can doesn't mean they should. It's a sad world we live in and it's a shame that women have to go out of their way to protect themselves, when it should be a code of honor to all men to protect women and children. But, like I said, it's a sad world with few good men. Even with a woman who learns to protect herself, her odds are better, but still against her, just for the simple fact most men are built stronger. Who's to say the predator has no fighting experience, a weapon, etc.
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