It's different

It’s been a strange week. I don’t really know what to say about anything. I’m incredibly frustrated that I can’t just snap my fingers and heal my body. I’m not used to being so limited. I don’t know what to say…

The sun is shining as I wait for the ferry to arrive. It’s a beautiful day and I’m incredibly thankful to be living on the West Coast of Canada. It’s surreal, but I’m lonely. My best friends are on the island or far away, and being off work has really made me realize how isolated I can be in Vancouver. I have a few stripper friends, but… I want to be around the people that really know me.

I don’t feel like a stripper right now, and there are parts that I really enjoy about being in the “real world”. I like waking up in the morning, being out during the day and not constantly checking the time to make sure I’m not late for a show. It’s been different interacting with the world as me, rather than the stripper. I don’t know if it’s good or bad, just different. I miss work desperately. I’m craving the stage like an aphrodisiac. I miss it. I need it. I love it.

I’m feeling a little lost. I’m not feeling whole. A huge piece of my life has been taken away from me, my passion. I just want to dance. Everything will be okay once I’m back on stage.