freak on the street, prude in the bed

I may be about to ruin a huge misconception, and I do apologize.

(In consolation women do have pillow fights in our panties.)

The general fantasy is that strippers are sex symbols, wild nymphomaniacs that cannot control their obsession with sex and are obviously highly imaginative, open and sexual women. I hate to ruin the illusion, but I ’m going to talk about strippers in bed. Casual observations and thoughts… Yes, we embody the fantasy but are strippers better in bed, or worse?

What makes a person good in bed? What qualities do people look for? Openness? Boundaries to push? Romance? Power? Sensual responsiveness? Willingness to give? Skill? Love? Passion? Games? What taboo acts are considered risqué and sensual? What vanilla escapades rate higher in locker rooms than others?

I’ve often heard the cliché “A lady on the street and a freak in the bed.” Are strippers the opposite? A nympho on the stage and a prude in the bed? We are objectified. A sexual fantasy is not a dynamic individual. The constant lack of intimacy is predominant, and can be easily internalized.

Does stripping make a woman more vanilla?

Dancing increases exposure and awareness of certain ideals and desires. In being a sex object one is forced to create personal boundaries that perhaps other women would not be required to. Exposure to situations and requests that are often disrespectful or repulsive can contribute to stubborn resistance and disgust. Common fantasies and behaviors may be interpreted as inappropriate. What could be lighthearted roll-playing in one relationship has the potential to illicit feelings of objectification, disrespect, or hurtful memories in a relationship with a stripper. When one hears “you are beautiful. You have great tits. You’re gorgeous…” so many times in a day it becomes meaningless. Judged purely on physical appeal on a daily basis it may become a chore to look good and feel sexy for a partner.

I am embracing my sexuality and in a place of acceptance. I am comfortable in my experiences and desires. I am accepting of my fantasies. However, when I have been working for months without a break, when I have gone weeks without hearing my real name, I feel like I exist as an image. I feel the men that appear interested in me are judging a façade. The resistance I experience as a result of playing a roll has the potential to translate into very negative results. in those moments I’m not willing to be vulnerable. I’m already physically exposed. I don’t want to risk personal exposure.

On the flip side, a streak of positive work weeks can build confidence at an exponential rate. From dancing I have discovered a great deal of personal sexual power. As the power waves build and crumble, I loose some of the urge to let go of that power. Dehumanized and objectified, the reminder can feel dirty and undesirable. When resentment is predominant the faith and trust vanish. To release personal control requires a high level of trust.

But when I am riding a power high, I often intensely crave to let go of the control and cleanse the power. I am in control every day of my life. It can be exhausting. I am sober, I am focused. I choose my own path. I am secure in myself. I am only willing to let go of that control in isolated situations. I have enjoyed incredible purely sexual relationships. There have been encounters in which desire and illusion have come together in a passionate union of sweat, power, and fantasy.

It comes in phases. I’m not alone in these experiences. I know many dancers share similar emotions. It's complicated, far more complex than it ever should be.

I may circle around these same issues for a while. You lucky blog buddies get to witness it.