Ryann Reflections

A glimpse into the life of one anti-social stripper nerd.

Saturday, May 27, 2006

Rough night

And then there are the days when tears fall despite facades, despite determination. Tonight was one of those dreadful moments. I don’t want a hug because I know how quickly I will shatter. I don’t want to speak because I know there is hurt in my voice. I want to scream. I want to rage at the unprofessional power-tripping assholes that arbitrarily manipulate my income.

I’m frustrated. I try to conduct myself in a thoughtful and professional manner. Sometimes I don’t know why I bother. There is no incentive to not be a fuck-up. In reality, fuck-ups often get more work. Egos are a dangerous thing.

I am thankful I have friends in this industry that understand, and that on a Friday night I knew exactly where to turn. I knew they would accept my frustration, offer hugs and reassurance. Smudged makeup and quivering voice I drove the familiar blocks. Away from the pretentious illusion of business, through the streets of crack and homeless, I drove straight to the comfort of real people. It helped.

But it’s late and I’m ready for bed. My heart is still heavy, and I know there are more tears waiting patiently for a trigger. I’m lonely. Tonight, I wish I could call and have the comfort of humanity. I want someone to hold me. I want someone to massage the stress out of my muscles, and tell me I’m special. Tonight I wish I was more than an object, more than a disposable fantasy. Tonight, I want more. At the end of the day, I always go home alone. Tonight, I wish someone cared.

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8 Comments:

  • At 10:11 AM, Anonymous Gölök Zoltán Buday said…

    Manipulated income? The Royal Drake selling stage time and enforcing the 3 privates or pay cut rule again?
    I can't stand unproffessionalism and hypocrisy, as if it differed.
    Hmmmm, do the tips even get kept 100%?
    I'd hate DJs and Club Managers taking a piece of a tip I gave the lady, after all, they earned it and I'd stay at home with a superior (to their bar supply) Guinness if it weren't for the dancers.

     
  • At 10:29 AM, Blogger Ryann said…

    you have no idea what you're talking about. The Drake changed hands. the problems you refer to are with the old owners.

    The Drake is one of the best clubs in town now. professional, fair, good staff, good people.

    there are problems everywhere within the industry. pick your battles. There are clubs that do they best they can, treat the dancers well, and just try to run a successful business despite the constant road blocks. Their determination is the ONLY reason we have ANY strip clubs left.

    The Drake, and The No5 are two of the good clubs.

     
  • At 1:45 PM, Blogger jimbo said…

    Hope this doesn't interfere with Europe too much though. Is this abuse of power really predominate throughout, say, the UK or France? Now there's a continent that knows the sex trade. Either way, the universe has a weird way of evening things out eventually; I hope somehow this gets counter-balanced.

     
  • At 4:43 PM, Anonymous Gölök Zoltán Buday said…

    Ryan, I was asking, so I knew I wasn't at least sure if it was the same, so maybe you should look at you lecture. Do they still take your umbrella and property and charge you for it at some presumption of guilt that yoou might do something with it?
    I hated that as well, you must have seen my official complaint anyway, I think I sent a copy to you.
    Don't be overly defensive of a club, an organized business is collective, not even individual.
    The first destroyer of the liberties of a people is he who first gave them bounties and largess." -- Plutarch (c.45-125 A.D.) Priest of the Delphic Oracle At Liberty Quotes

     
  • At 4:44 PM, Blogger Katt said…

    Hey, are you in town? Before you leave again we should go out for coffee...I've been dooing some sociology research and would love to share with you what I found. Plus my son can give great hugs and cuddles if needed...

     
  • At 4:45 PM, Blogger Katt said…

    PS who is this crazy golok?
    Talking about a club stealing his umbrella, is he for real?

     
  • At 5:49 PM, Blogger Ryann said…

    I was in town. Thankfully this hellish week is over and I am officially on VACATION.

    I hope I feel better soon. Katt... I would love to get together when I get back.

     
  • At 10:13 AM, Anonymous Gölök Zoltán Buday said…

    About the held and talk thing I understand; I am glad you and many others have this outlit, web sites or blogs, in which my biggest complaint is how it cheats the search ranking system (shares the main domain's rank), but I digress, I love reading this stuff.
    I am for real and The Royal Drake's last straw with me, and I have a 2 D min. rule for myself, beats going during the covers, and the last to times I went they tried to take my umbrella [I have libertarian views (LPC East as well) about property rights, presumption of innocence, et al) and why should I pay someone a buck to take something of mine? I heard the place on Dunsmuir above the Keg had real Guinness and I refused to go because I oppose manditory coat checks (granted now I am a suspected weapon owner); I run a subsite magazine called N.O.W. the Nude Organization of Women (the link I use under name), no I am male patron, an advocate during municipal elections and off election years for dancing more than clubs, but business, if competitive and soley owned is fine. I don't think you need her to tell you, Katt (Breath of Fire fan?), however, ever since I defended dancers in a letter to the editor my letters have stopped been published and the press is down on me like me on a....well never mind, I am the first Openly Ambiguous Mayoral and Political Candidate and will stay that way, well Philotical. Now running on, I will point out that I have 2 relatives that did it professionally, and have civil discutions with others here and there. -- Gölök Zoltán Leenderdt Franco Buday, Stratcona, Vancouver, BC, U.S. of Eh!
    PS. I a high school friend went into it (one so I know), I realized later, had me bark for a photo, always had a decent sense of humour. I also Prefer Mad Magyar, hah! Rev, Lucy Fur.
    PPS The media likes stories that badmouth dancers, make them look like hoes by job description, and "Strippersize," or, "Poll Dancing," it's like Transcendental Meditation found a version they like, one without a creative form of self expression; that and lap dancing and duos.

     

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