Ryann Reflections

A glimpse into the life of one anti-social stripper nerd.

Sunday, July 09, 2006

I hate dating

Emotions. Sigh… what interestingly silly things. I’m feeling very emotional today and it’s adding to my frustration with myself. I’m finding myself feeling needy, jealous and lonely. And of course I’m annoyed at the objects of these emotions simply because I don’t feel like being mad at myself for having them. Hahahaha!

I’m officially at the beginning of a week off before I venture east to Winnipeg. I’ve counted my money, finished the weekly accounting, and thought about eating dinner (although no progress has been made in that department)

Dating is frustrating me. I have a very defeatist attitude about the whole thing, and I don’t want to. Yet I am constantly aware of the time and lifestyle constraints and the lack of potential for anything real. I’m not in a place to consider a serious relationship, but I do wonder if I’m throwing away something. I don’t want to become wrapped up in something that is totally delusional, but I’m craving the simple escape of living the happy lie for a few moments.

Reasons I hate dating...


If you can pick up a STRIPPER, you get bragging rights and you are The Man!!!

I just Looooooove feeling like a prize. If you can fuck a stripper you are a god among men. Ugh! Fucking a stripper is a huge fantasy. I am aware. Dating a stripper... well I've said it before. It's a disaster. It's frustrating, pointless, and difficult.

After a few dates the invitation changes from "hey do you want to grab a drink in between shows?" to... "Hey do you want to come over and watch a movie after work?" (midnight booty call?)

Is there any point in dating if I'm not willing to "put out"?

Or... I start dating someone... who is nice, funny, sweet, cute... blah blah blah... I develop a crush only to leave town and loose the magic.
Or... his friends treat me weird
Or... I'm a trophy
Or... He starts seeing someone else while I'm out of town

This would be where the defeatist attitude comes from. I leave. I leave town all the time. My schedule is not flexible and my hours suck. If I have time off I want to take advantage of it and actually enjoy some quality time. This lack of flexibility would be a huge factor in why dancers date losers. Bums work with our schedule. No job, no responsibilities means the loser is available around our demanding lifestyle. Hahahahahaha. Dating an independent, successful, ambitious man… well I’d never see him. Beyond a few dates when I am treated as a priority, my schedule simply doesn’t allow for anything more.

Yup, I’m frustrated. I’m going home. Tomorrow.



  • At 2:39 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    so what would it take for you to give up the business and choose a relationship?

  • At 5:41 AM, Blogger Cairde said…

    I want to be optimistic and hope you will meet someone with whom you will not lose the magic when you leave town, someone who will wait for you and crave your return without trying to force his objectives on you. I think you are worth waiting for....goodluck my friend.

  • At 12:53 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    For such a smart girl, you would think that you would be able to spell. On numerous occasions I've noticed that you use the word "loose" when you want to be using "lose". After noticing it again in this post, I felt compelled to point it out.

  • At 1:49 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    i'd just like to clarify, first anonymus isn't the same person as second anonymus

  • At 8:54 PM, Anonymous smart person said…

    Ummmm - ok, I. Will break it down for you.You are a stripper. Stripper = SLUT. Slut = skank. You are a fucking joke. Waht plant do you come from....Plant Stupid Ho??

  • At 6:15 PM, Blogger Cairde said…

    Pardon me "smart person"....don't you mean...PLANET. Hmm, not so smart are you?!

  • At 8:11 PM, Anonymous Gölök Zoltán Buday said…

    Back when my relative(s) (one adopted but treated as if) danced it was fexible and a week or two were escable for family and what-not and the only hazard was Hanna, Alberta (during dancer raping season). How that town loses such a reputation I am not sure, when the band leader got taken in I wasn't shocked, well I was it was drunk driving. But on to bragging rights, I wouldn't brag, and even if I did, I'd be an idiot; I'd just get trumped by the "I had sex and/or dated a port star" guy. Who believes braggards anyway; they sicken me, and boy does this teach you what kind creature or human being someone is.


    Gölök (B.J.) Buday
    "There may not be an 'I' in team, but there is an 'I' in Libertarian (in fact 2)" -- Gölök Buday, April of 2002

  • At 9:46 AM, Anonymous Gölök "Black Jester" Buday said…

    [smart person said...
    Ummmm - ok, I. Will break it down for you.You are a
    stripper. Stripper = SLUT. Slut = skank. You are a fucking joke. Waht plant do you come from....Plant Stupid Ho??]

    I think you and Mz. Temple (someone, a relative who worked at the time called a whore; Jeneva or Geneva; I forget the first letter by one name) does not help this stigma, I think you fan the flame by calling it a sex industry, this brush stroke labels you the same as a hooker and porn star and even a nudist, and I try to defend against this myself; dealing with the attacks of the Nude Garden Party leader in this regard, to speak nothing of Ammateur Teen Kingdom Party's Jamie Lee Hamilton.
    What is this: http://www.iusw.org/
    - Nina Hartley, 1997 (Whores and Other Feminists) www.naketruth.ca a web site who's webmaster has called it a "sex worker" occupation or "sex industry."
    I just realized again it's a self inflicted wound many times; destigmatize yourself. Someone bothers you on the street as your character, say your not in character and living your life; distance one self from "sex worker" or "sex industry" and maybe think of it as a "senual art" or "sensual industry" or as my father called it, "selling beer."
    Well juice if at a sleazy club like the Paramount.


    Gölök Zoltán Leenderdt Franco Buday
    "Freedom includes the right to say what others may object to and resent... The essence of citizenship is to be tolerant of strong and provocative words." - Prime Minister Diefenbaker, April 9, 1970, House of Commons. http://www.archive.myegotimes.com/

  • At 12:12 AM, Blogger Cassandra3383 said…

    When you lost that lovin' feeling..the best way to remedy that is by giving online dating a shot...webdate is an excellent site, I recommend it! The cute men in there are unbelievable!


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