Dating vs. Fucking

Well most of my friends are aware that I’m “dating” again and know how incredibly unique my perceptions are. Spader was asking me about how my most recent date had gone and after my detached report he broke it down for me. “Most people don’t think of “fucking” and “dating” as two mutually exclusive worlds that shall never meet. Most people actually fuck the people they date.”

Ick. What?

I’m totally busted on that one. I guess the key to my learning how to date, or eventually even consider a relationship will be in convincing me to fuck the men I date, or date the men I fuck. This looks like a pretty big challenge.

Here’s my logic.

Say you meet a guy in a bar, decide he’s good enough and take him home and fuck him. Everyone can acknowledge that as a one-night stand. It is what it is and it works well for some people. But say you meet a guy in a bar and you like him. You make out with him a bit but don’t have sex because you like him. First date goes well. Second date is lovely. By the third date the expectation of sex is there. So say you fuck him because you’ve been wanting to do him since you first met him, but one-night stands are ‘dirty’ or whatever.

The way I see it the difference between fucking the first night or on the third date is about six hours in time spent together. In my mind it’s still fucking a stranger and it doesn’t do anything for me. Most guys aren’t willing to hang around without getting laid for the months it takes for me to decide if I’m even interested. After three dates he’s not someone I know, or trust. Instead of some guy that bought a couple drinks- he’s some guy that’s bought a couple dinners.

If I wanted to have sex with men I either don’t know, or barely know, I’d be an escort.

I have no desire to have sex with a man I hardly know. At this point I’m envious of the incredible women that do. I’ve been off work for a month now because of this stupid accident and honestly I am wishing I was comfortable fucking strangers because then I wouldn’t be in such a financial free-fall. I could just fuck for money and be done with it.

I don’t know why some women are able to do it and others aren’t but I know it’s not something that is an emotionally healthy option for me.

The Musician was someone I trusted and someone that I actually took the time to know. I was comfortable with him, and I felt safe in our isolated affair. I knew his life and he knew mine and it was a very honest relationship. The rules changed and the affair ended but I can’t just replace that with some random guy I hardly know.

The few men that have earned the title “fuck buddy” in my life have been long term (years) affairs with a man that I feel to be a kindred spirit and with who I share a powerful connection. Granted I’ve certainly lived through my share of heart breaks and disasters but at least it was always honest and real. Attachments do develop after years of being intimate with someone but I’d still rather have that than a 3-week fling with some guy I hardly know.

I still wouldn’t recommend dating me. I’m complicated.