Ryann Reflections

A glimpse into the life of one anti-social stripper nerd.

Friday, May 04, 2007

I saw The Brat

I saw The Brat tonight while I was out for dinner with a friend. He was with some blonde girl and they looked absolutely miserable. I watched from the shadows of my booth as he drummed his fingers on the table and she stared awkwardly into her lap.

From the corner of my eye I caught some gesture that triggered my memory. My mood sank as I turned and watched him, allowing my mind to float over memories. He saw me. I saw him. We never made eye contact. We didn’t speak. But I saw him, and that’s all it took. I remember that I liked him. I remember that he didn’t want me. It was just weird seeing him again. I didn’t expect it.

I’m so tired of being a secret. I don’t know what I actually want, or what I’m capable of… but I’m just tired of being disposable. Seeing The Brat brought back a multitude of memories, how much fun we used to have laughing and arguing together, how peaceful I felt walking along the beach with him, and how disappointed I was when he chose someone else. They all choose someone else.

I want to be with someone I trust enough to fall asleep with. I want to be with someone that I know actually cares about me. I don’t know how. Really, I don’t believe it exists- not for me.



  • At 5:47 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    One day love is gonna blindside you and you wont know what to do. But you will know yer not disposable. No one is disposable Ryann. Try to remember that. It just takes some of longer to find the right guy than others. Have faith. Its out there if ya want it. You will know when its yers

  • At 10:24 AM, Blogger Cairde said…

    Someday you will find a man that is not too insecure to love such an intelligent, vibrant, powerful woman. He's out there, just waiting for that chance encounter that will blow you both away.

  • At 4:56 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Men don't respect women like you, Ryann - strippers etc. In a patriarchal, capatalist society you are just a whore. In a parallel universe which wasn't either of the aforementioned maybe things would be different but it's not.

  • At 9:11 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    The previous comment:

    "Men don't respect women like you"

    That's just a load of crap. period.

  • At 12:08 PM, Blogger Cairde said…

    Men...humans who do NOT fear sexuality can respect strippers or others in the sex industry. Fear rules emotions, fear and insecurity.

  • At 2:34 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Well said!

  • At 2:39 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Annonymous~~ That is the biggest bunch of horseshit me has ever heard. People don't respect strippers, they is just whores. Who the hell are you the Moral Police. How dare you!!!!!!!

    Have you even tried to have a conversation with a strippers?? IF YOU HAD you would find that MOST OF THEM have more brains in the baby toe nail than you obviously have in yer entire body. You have alot of nerve whoever you are. Is that why you are annonymous and won't put a name to yerself???

    Again, how fuckin dare you!!!!!!!!!!!

    Me appologizes Ryann.. Me didnt mean to sound off but whoever that is , doesnt deserve to be read let alone listened to. But does deserve to have that statement reburked. Cuz it happens me has met a few strippers. And they work hard at their craft. And for that strippers get trashed. Oh me thinks not. {{And the annonymous one me is talking about knows who this comment is directed to. Maybe someday you will grown up but somehow me doubts it. Personal opinion only. Me had honestly beleived thinking like that went out in the dark ages. BUt me forgot their is the moral police who think they know all

    End of rant

    p.s. yer word verifier doesnt like me today for some reason. Maybe its cuz the moral police is on the loose....LOL

  • At 2:42 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Ryann~~ On behalf of most of the human race me is sorry that in this day and age you still have to tolerate that kind of nonsense. Its enough to break me heart

  • At 9:18 AM, Blogger Ryann said…

    Thanks friends. It's pretty cool that I didn't have to respond- you guys did it for me.

    I appreciate it.

  • At 5:27 PM, Anonymous Gölök said…

    Ever ask him? Or expect him to go come on to you? Frankly not only does honor have one (a man) trust a lady to make the first move, and this is torture to go through, but it's also an era where your in a mine field of the French wistle mistess's from "What's New Pussy Cat."
    So honor and the stalker panic (plus the stigma of being into an entertainer, like your all the nut cases, may play at times) may exist. Oddly enough I grew up and lived and work(ed) in and around many entertainment industries and gigs; despite that it feels a little wierd having feelings in this.


    Gölök Zoltán Buday
    "Small Government's A Start" -- Gölök Z. L. F. Buday. (Seeking 2005 Vancouver Mayor's Seat, Sought in 2002 and 1996).

  • At 7:57 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    When you least expect it. Bang, you'll be head over heels. Someone will burn for you.


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