Ryann Reflections

A glimpse into the life of one anti-social stripper nerd.

Sunday, June 10, 2007

end of an era

What a day. I don’t even know where to begin. I’m totally overwhelmed. As everyone knows last night was the final night for The Drake. That alone was both amazing and emotionally draining. The bar was packed, wall to wall, hundreds of people came out to celebrate and mourn the end of an era. Crowds cheered. Sequins glistened. Gravity was defied. Beer was poured. Breasts were revealed. Hugs were shared. I fought a lump in my throat as I watched the final few dancers bring the bar to a close. I’m really going to miss that bar and the people that made it such a great place to work.

I also ended up working the entire day at the No5 Orange, and I spent my time in between shows running around trying to make my extensive to do list manageable and plausible. It worked but it took a lot out of me. On top of everything work related I also received some personal news that really shook me up.

The thing the audience always forgets is that the show must go on. There were moments yesterday when I wiped away tear smudged eyeliner before touching up my lipstick. Sometimes you just take a deep breath, add another layer of makeup, and hide behind the music.

I was onstage at the No5 when I saw The Musician. I contemplated ignoring him or pretending I didn’t see him, but I didn’t. I don’t know why he appears when I’m having a rough day. It’s not the first time I’ve been grateful for the comfort and distraction of his company. He asked me to come over later. I said yes.

After my last show, after The Drake had put its final dancer on the stage, after there was nothing more to do with my personal worries, I went to him. Frazzled and physically and emotionally exhausted I drowned my night in whiskey and giggles. It was a very intoxicated night. It was exactly what I needed. A lot of things were said last night, some he may remember—many he probably will not.

I liked being around him and I liked the feel of him next to me. I missed his laughter and his unnecessary apologies. I don’t know where I stand with The Musician or how I feel or what’s good for me but I guess that’s life. If I’m totally honest with myself I’m just feeling vulnerable and exposed. Dammit!! I’m afraid a layer of my defenses has been breached. It was good to see him.

Tomorrow I’ll continue rebuilding my life and deal with my family responsibilities. Tomorrow there won’t be naked ladies at The Drake Show Lounge. Here’s to the end of an era and to finding a way to make tomorrow a step in the right direction.

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