...the sex part always gets in the way...
Thoughts of the day...
Billy Crystal (Harry Burns): You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Meg Ryan (Sally Albright): Why not?
Billy Crystal (Harry): What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Meg Ryan (Sally): That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved. Billy Crystal (Harry): No you don't.
Meg Ryan (Sally): Yes I do.
Billy Crystal (Harry): No you don't.
Meg Ryan (Sally): Yes I do.
Billy Crystal (Harry): You only think you do.
Meg Ryan (Sally): You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Billy Crystal (Harry): No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
Meg Ryan (Sally): They do not!
Billy Crystal (Harry): Do too.
Meg Ryan (Sally): They do not.
Billy Crystal (Harry): Do too.
Meg Ryan (Sally): How do you know?
Billy Crystal (Harry):Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Meg Ryan (Sally): So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Billy Crystal (Harry): No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Meg Ryan (Sally): What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?
Billy Crystal (Harry): Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Meg Ryan (Sally): Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Billy Crystal (Harry): I guess not.
Meg Ryan (Sally): That's too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York.
I'm inclined to believe it's true, despite me having male friends. I was listening to another dancer today in her frustration and disppointment in a man whom she thought was a friend. I listened to her hurt when he turned against her when unspoken expectations were not met.
I have male friends, but on some level I mistrust most of those friendships. I don't really believe that a 'single' man would want to be friends with me without alterior motives. I used to believe, but experience has shown me otherwise. I suspect that repetitive experience has been a significant factor in my protective defenses. To trust, to be open to a friendship, only to be discarded when the lack of sexual options becomes apparent is disheartening. To seek comfort in a friendship only to be cornered with physical expectations or attempts, causes me to question my value in the situation and renew my anger and frustration.
There is a real lack of human contact in my life right now. But I don't want it, because I don't want to deal with being treated like a...
***
Weirdo of the day... (This may become a new feature of my blog)
Tall, built, blonde hair, blue eyes, too smooth, very pretty... he was fun to flirt with, and entertaining to tease. Unfortunately he also proudly wore his wedding ring as he put his arm around me and tried to take me out for dinner, or... something. Married and trying to cheat with the stripper at 25 yrs old. ugh! I ducked the attempted kiss and told him I was going to go home and lay in bed and think about all the wonderful things we could have done if he wasn't married.
Tease? me? noooooo. creepy married kid that probably shouldn't be? yup. I did him a favour. gross.
In random happy thoughts...
I got my hair cut today. it's very old school Meg Ryan, but brown and red. I feel pretty.
AND it is officially December!!! Countdown is SO ON!!
Billy Crystal (Harry Burns): You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Meg Ryan (Sally Albright): Why not?
Billy Crystal (Harry): What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Meg Ryan (Sally): That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved. Billy Crystal (Harry): No you don't.
Meg Ryan (Sally): Yes I do.
Billy Crystal (Harry): No you don't.
Meg Ryan (Sally): Yes I do.
Billy Crystal (Harry): You only think you do.
Meg Ryan (Sally): You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Billy Crystal (Harry): No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
Meg Ryan (Sally): They do not!
Billy Crystal (Harry): Do too.
Meg Ryan (Sally): They do not.
Billy Crystal (Harry): Do too.
Meg Ryan (Sally): How do you know?
Billy Crystal (Harry):Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Meg Ryan (Sally): So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Billy Crystal (Harry): No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Meg Ryan (Sally): What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?
Billy Crystal (Harry): Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Meg Ryan (Sally): Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Billy Crystal (Harry): I guess not.
Meg Ryan (Sally): That's too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York.
I'm inclined to believe it's true, despite me having male friends. I was listening to another dancer today in her frustration and disppointment in a man whom she thought was a friend. I listened to her hurt when he turned against her when unspoken expectations were not met.
I have male friends, but on some level I mistrust most of those friendships. I don't really believe that a 'single' man would want to be friends with me without alterior motives. I used to believe, but experience has shown me otherwise. I suspect that repetitive experience has been a significant factor in my protective defenses. To trust, to be open to a friendship, only to be discarded when the lack of sexual options becomes apparent is disheartening. To seek comfort in a friendship only to be cornered with physical expectations or attempts, causes me to question my value in the situation and renew my anger and frustration.
There is a real lack of human contact in my life right now. But I don't want it, because I don't want to deal with being treated like a...
***
Weirdo of the day... (This may become a new feature of my blog)
Tall, built, blonde hair, blue eyes, too smooth, very pretty... he was fun to flirt with, and entertaining to tease. Unfortunately he also proudly wore his wedding ring as he put his arm around me and tried to take me out for dinner, or... something. Married and trying to cheat with the stripper at 25 yrs old. ugh! I ducked the attempted kiss and told him I was going to go home and lay in bed and think about all the wonderful things we could have done if he wasn't married.
Tease? me? noooooo. creepy married kid that probably shouldn't be? yup. I did him a favour. gross.
In random happy thoughts...
I got my hair cut today. it's very old school Meg Ryan, but brown and red. I feel pretty.
AND it is officially December!!! Countdown is SO ON!!
posted by Ryann @ 23:47
6 Comments:
At 4:48 AM,
Chickie said…
I love "weirdo of the day". As bad as I hate to admit it - it's probably true in most cases about the men/women/friendship stuff.
At 9:25 AM,
Cairde said…
I sat and thought about this one for a bit. I have decided that it is basically true. I have had many hard feelings between myself and my male friends when they finally realize that I mean it when I say no dating. What angers me is that even when I am upfront in the beginning, that I just want to be friends, the topic resurfaces and things get very tense. I don't like to hurt anyone's feelings, but I also don't want to lead them on. More times than not, just because I am friendly, I have been referred to as a tease. There has also been the "prude" comment and, let us not forget the big rumor throughout the company I work for, that I am a lesbian. Unbelievable! Simply because I will not date men I work with or just sleep with half of them, I must be a lesbian. Ah well, if it keeps the tension away, then yep, it's true, I am gay. :)
At 5:53 PM,
Gadzie said…
I replied to your post with a post of my own. As your post triggered a good topic to talk about.
http://gadzilla.blogspot.com/2005/12/thin-line.html
At 5:55 PM,
Gadzie said…
Clickable link to my post!
At 10:07 PM,
Kathryn said…
I don't think I've ever had a friend that I didn't sleep with (aside from my friends husbands of course...)
Now that I am a lesbian, it's a different story!
At 11:43 PM,
thatgirl said…
I know where you are coming from with the not being able to be friends with men because they always want to fuck you thing. I've also experienced this scenario with many men. However, I don't think that it's a universal truth. I do in fact have male friends with whom there is no sexual tension or innuendo. We are just friends. We have been friends for a long time. And I have male friends with whom there may be sexual tension, but we are still just friends. We could even acknowledge that we find each other sexy, and maybe one day, in some intimate or drunken moment, we might even sleep together (not recommended). But we would still only be friends, even if we had sex at some point.
However, if you are a total babe, and you are an exotic dancer, the likelihood of you meeting single males who just want to be your friend I must say are slim. I wish you the best of luck, but chances are that for now you may need to look to women for friendship. Which is not so bad:)
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