Ryann Reflections

A glimpse into the life of one anti-social stripper nerd.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

"We're just friends" (continuation from last night)

"We're just friends"

Aside from "I'm not having sex with you" ... means one of the following...

1. One or both parties are in relationships with someone else
2. We already dated
3. One person has a huge crush to which the other is oblivious
4. There is unresolved sexual tension that has yet to encounter the right situation, causing a real fondness to develop while waiting for the right time.
5. Something caused me to mentally neuter you, creating a non-sexual being in my eyes. This one is interesting and often results from childhood friends (brother/ sister relationship), or an age difference that makes sex repulsive.
6. The person is aware of large road blocks, such as "I am so much of an Ice Queen that I am incapable of being intimate", and decides to take what he can get, and respect that.

I have all of these friends.

The interesting part I find is the "Just in case clause" that exists is almost ALL of the various situations. (Commited relationships between faithful people excluded)

...Hey yah, we're friends, no expectations... we're buddies... but just in case you ever want to have sex... Oh YAH!! I'd jump at the chance.

I don't think I am god's gift to men. that's just silly. I don't think every guy should find me attractive. If tall, blonde, long legs, big boobs is the preferance, I don't qualify. I'm also cocky, arrogant, dismissive, and pretencious at times. I have no patience for stupid people and the red neck right-wing manifesto so prominant in this province tends to illict political comments and hippy defenses. Oh, and I don't like people. People are weird, and they annoy me.

However, I am a sexual woman, and hey if I'm willing... most of the guys I've encountered would be perfectly happy to hop into bed. But whether they would call the next day if I allowed that situation to exist... I can pretty much say, No. He would not call.

But, I feel I should qualify... I do have male friends. a few.... a handful from #2 all of whom have asked "would you ever have sex with me again", a couple leftovers from school, and my sister's BF fit into #5. I have very few that come from #1. Women often find me threatening, and that causes a lot of tension. I've really enjoyed friendships from #4, exciting, dynamic and sexual (I know I know).

I often wish I could go back to the days of #3, when I was unaware and believed it to be real. But this one I find to be the most disappointing. I thought it was real. I belived he cared. I assumed it was mutual... but then... he hits on me. After months, or sometimes years, of being "friends" he hits on me and I go from being a valued human being to a piece of ass.

So the moral of the story... Thank god for girlfriends. Men I'm still not sure what to do with.


  • At 6:38 PM, Blogger Gadzilla said…

    I gotta admit, the "mentally neuter" line, made me chuckle outloud.

    I can say I'm guilty of most said sins. But, we live and learn. I do understand the value of a woman's friendship and how empty my life would be without the women friends I do have without the sexual tensions. Although.. most of them are previous girlfriends. Is that a bad thing?

  • At 6:44 PM, Blogger Gadzilla said…

    Oh and for the record.. I have been on both sides of the wall on this particular topic. When it came my turn to tell someone that I wasn't interested in that sort of thing with them and I just wanted to be friends, it was a frightening experience. I had 5 different flashbacks come at me in 1 moment and realized this was my punishment for all those other thwarted attempts.

  • At 7:40 PM, Blogger Chickie said…

    Men are very handy with lawn mowers.

  • At 1:21 AM, Blogger Ryann said…

    lawnmowers. well I don't have a yard, so I wonder what else they do...

  • At 7:56 PM, Blogger deepthoughts said…

    i was gonna comment on this earlier but then i couldn't stop laughing about the lawnmowers thing. lol.

    i'm reading a comic series called Y:The last man on earth and it's about a plague that wipes out everyone and everything with a Y chromosome except one dude and his monkey. there's lots of fascinating stuff in it related to what men are good for.

    anyway, i was gonna say... there are lots of lowlife men out there, and i'm sure that in your profession you run into a lot of them, and even the good ones you run into are probably not at their best, so i could understand if you get the feeling that all men are after is sex and they are useless as far as friendship goes. my advice is, try to understand them. even if they are being bad. when you understand people they it's easier to forgive them for their flaws:)

  • At 8:34 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Good post. I enjoy your blog immensely.

    I guess I've been a believer in the two different ways men and women approach relationships and I’m probably repeating what’s already common knowledge, but what the hell, I haven’t posted in a while.

    Why can't men be just friends? Well unless they are romantically attached to someone else, they usually follow this path. Meet the woman, become friends, develop feelings, fall in love. The men that act like dogs will meet the woman, try and have sex every opportunity they get – the really evil ones will try and make the opportunity (i.e. get a girl drunk, drug her up, etc etc) – On a side note, you can tell a lot about a guy when you meet his friends, dogs usually hang together. A good guy (remember good guy is a relative term) will normally not hang around dogs. He may have one doggy friend, but that’s usually the limit. I know that I couldn’t handle being around dogs – I thought they were always trying to pickup my girlfriends.

    My take on the woman side of things is (and this is only from the women I've talked with about this topic) Meet the man, if there is a 'spark' then develop feelings, fall in love. If there isn't a spark it’s moves to friendship and it stops there.

    This is why men can't really be friends... We grow into love and some can't separate between the love for a friend and romantic love. This is also the reason why when a woman tells a man “I just want to be friends” two things normally happen. If the man is strong enough to separate his feelings and realize you are important to him, then you’ll have a good friendship. If he’s immature, he’ll pine for you ‘in secret’ or he’ll make you his enemy because that is the easiest way to get rid of the feelings he has for you.

    I will disclaim the post by saying there are always exceptions that prove the rule and I’m definitely speaking in generalities.

    Well I'm done my rant, keep up the good work Ryann!

    Angry Orange


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