Ryann Reflections

A glimpse into the life of one anti-social stripper nerd.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Lazy Monday

I’m trying to keep up with this blog but my life seems delightfully dull these days and I’m not sure I have anything to say. Hank and Reid are on tour in California for another week. I wish they’d hurry up and come home. The text messages are entertaining but I’m lacking in hugs.

I had a great weekend. Thursday night was Sexpo. It was a very long and exhausting day but I think everyone had a good time. Friday I went out with a couple girlfriends and had a perfect evening of food, yummy gelato, and wine. As we relaxed and enjoyed a bottle of wine on the couch a party spontaneously appeared and before we knew it the house was filled with guitars and laughing people.

Saturday I went out with Hank’s fabulous cousin after work and we giggled about boys and music and work and everything else silly girls like us chatter about over nachos and chocolate fondue. It was yummy.

And now I’m back at good ol’ Mugs and Jugs this week. I've been relaxing for most of the afternoon but I should probably load up my car and hit the road. Rush hour traffic is always a joy in Vancouver.


Tuesday, October 16, 2007


He calls himself Robbie the Newfie, but his east coast accent is fading. I don’t know how long he’s been in Vancouver. Beyond his name, I don’t really know anything about his past. But he always smiles when he sees me in the parking lot at the No5.

It’s raining. I’m just leaving PACE, pulling through a shallow alley in the downtown eastside, when I spot Robbie. He’s shivering, wearing a thin woman’s blouse and boxer shorts. Rain drips off the ends of his sandy brown hair and runs down his forehead. I watch him wipe it away with his thin arm and catch his eye and wave. My smile holds his attention long enough for him to recognize me. As I pull through the alley he takes long strides towards my car. “Hey! Princess. Hang on. Just a second.”

I stop and unroll my window, looking up at his too thin six-foot frame, “How you doing Robbie?”

“Not good. It’s not good.”

For the first time I realize the rain is mixed with his tears. “What’s going on? You’re freezing. You okay?”

He shakes his head, still shivering, and begins to cry. “It’s not a good day princess. Look at me. I’m fucked up.”

“Have you eaten today?”


“Robbie. Seriously. Are you okay?” My concern must have struck a chord.

“No. I’m trying to find a reason to get up in the morning and there just isn’t one. Look at me. There’s nothing left. There’s no point. I just want to die. She’s gone and there’s nothing left.”


“My wife.” He sobs “She died in the spring. A complication with her heart. From smoking crack. It does stuff to your heart. And she needed medicine. And I tried. I brought her to the hospital and I sat with her. But crack, it does stuff---

“Yes it does.”

“Like with me. But she died. And I tried but she’s gone. There’s nothing left… and now. Now there’s really no point. I just want to die.”

“Oh Robbie. I’m so sorry. I’m sure you miss her very much.”

“And now… I talked to the clinic and it’s all over.” Tears stream down his face. “I got it. HIV. Now the love is gone. No one will ever love me again. She worked y’know. On the streets. But I loved her. And she loved me. Just to have a woman all warm and good. I tried to take care of her. I tried.” He chokes on tears, “But she died and now no one will ever love me again.”

I force a soft smile and keep listening.

“And I have so much love to give. So much love to give. So much love… that’s all that matters. I don’t belong here. I fucked up. I don’t belong here. I gotta get out. Get cleaned up… I’m a painter by trade. But no one will ever love me again. There’s no point.”

“Are you going to the clinic? Are you getting treatment?”


“You’re a painter. That’s a good trade.”

“Yeah. If I could just get a job and get out of here. I gotta get out of here. Get cleaned up. I gotta get out.”

“That’s a good idea.”

He whispers, “Aren’t you afraid of me?”


“Why’d you stop and talk to me?”

“Because you’re Robbie the Newfie. You’re a person.”

“You’re really not afraid of me? The HIV doesn’t scare you.”

“No Robbie. It doesn’t. You’re a human being with hope and love and fear. Just like everybody else.”

“Hey if I get cleaned up and get a job and all that would you go to movie with me?”

“I don’t know. You get cleaned up first.” I smile.

He nods.

“Can you get out of the rain this afternoon? Is there somewhere you can go?”

He nods again and reaches his bony hand out to collect the two dollars I offer. Grasping my hand tightly he holds on for a moment. “Thank you for listening. Thank you.”

“Of course. You take care okay.”

He nods again and waves as I slowly pull out of the alley. Tears well in my eyes as I drive away, warm and safe in my car.


Saturday, October 13, 2007

I want more

I haven’t been writing much lately. My energy has been zapped and I feel like I’ve been pulled in too many directions at the same time. I had to take a break in order to figure out where I am and how to get things done.

I haven’t been able to talk about my life lately because even though it’s been both comfortable and lovely I want more.

I want Love.

I haven’t spoken to The Musician in a couple months. It’s better that way but I do miss him. I ended things with Alexander as well. That one is harder. I actually like him. But he knows where I am and what I want. I’m not willing to settle.

I want a boyfriend. I want something real. I want to actually let myself fall in love and risk being vulnerable. I want to be with a man that adores me for who I am. I’m done with expiry dates. I’m totally emotionally available and I want to be a part of something amazing.

So I’ve walked away from my comfortable and safe affairs. It’s taking far more will power than I care to admit. Alexander seems determined to stick around. But unless he wants to love me it doesn’t matter. I want more than a night.

I’m not disappearing for weeks or months on the road anymore. I get to sleep in my own bed every night and the constant good-byes have stopped. I have a life now. I have a home and a city with friends. I hosted (and cooked) a wonderful turkey feast for my friends. Fourteen of us sat around a plastic table cloth and had a fabulous Thanksgiving picnic on my living room floor. It was perfect. It was friendship, laughter, and great food and wine. I couldn’t ask for a better night.

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Thursday, October 04, 2007

Ladies Night

It's a pathetic attempt at getting another blog out but I'm busy dammit!! I hope all the ladies in the area come check it out. It'll be a blast!!! And I swear I'll get back to writing the details of work and life soon. It's all been very wonderful but I'm going to be late for another meeting and I'm still in my PJs. Aaaaaaaaaah!!

Hello everyone,

The Fourth Annual Exotic Goddess Night Sexpo for Women fast approaches – Thursday, October 18 from 6 to 10 pm. I wanted to give you all an update so you can pass it on to your friends. Let’s make this a packed event!

We will have free hair and makeup makeovers – so come undone if you want to be pampered!

The theme is fashion – so wear your sexiest outfit ever. You know that little lingerie thing that you can never wear out? Well this is the night to show it off!

Our sex toy booth will be hosted by Ninepartsdesire.com and they are donating a top-of-the-line, g-spot stimulating, clit-massaging, pleasure-inducing vibrator to the silent auction! Some of the other auction items include hand-painted martini glasses from GlamaRama, pole dance lessons from Tantra Fitness, and a custom corset made by Susan Davis – a vocal and compassionate local sex worker.

Ever tried airbrush tanning? Well a local exotic dancer who offers FLAWLESS airbrush tanning – dancers love her work – is donating some gift certificates for door prizes.

There will be pole dance lessons on a strip club stage, lap dance lessons in real VIP booths that are curtained off, airbrush tattoos, and a part of the History of Sex Work installation created by several Vancouver sex workers over the past three years.

For entertainment, we have a fashion show by Fantasy Dancewear displaying some of her spectacular work, an exotic dance show down to bra and panties by Ryann Rain (our lap dance instructor), a pole dance demonstration by one of the best pole dancers in the world – Tammy Morris of Tantra Fitness, and a blow job lesson with props – all performed on the stage of the club.

This year’s event is being held at the Penthouse Nightclub. The Penthouse has historically been a safe place for both exotic dancers and sex workers to earn a living. In 1975, police began to push sex workers out of the clubs and onto the streets and by 1976 owners of the Penthouse were on trial for “keeping a common bawdy house.” But now we’re bringing the sex workers back to the club for a common and worthy cause – to raise funds for programs and services that will directly benefit the women who were most impacted by police raids on the club in 1976 – survival sex workers.

The event costs $30 at the door and includes one drink and a gift bag with sexy surprises inside.

Come out and show your support! It’s going to be a blast! It may be the first time the Penthouse has ever been full of women rather than men. At 10 pm the doors will open to the general public and the exotic entertainment will begin. Guests are welcome to stay and enjoy the shows – they’ll meet some of the dancers at the event anyway!

Hope you can come! ;)

Trina aka Annie Temple

Event Coordinator

PS. We still need more items for the silent auction and for door prizes. If your target audience is women and you want to promote your business at our event, please contact me for more information.