I'm boring but Justice rocks!!

I never have anything interested to say when I work at The Drake. The customers are predictable and well behaved. The staff is still great. The dressing room is still cozy. The hours still rock. I still love that bar, and I’m freaking exhausted. I think I’ve been pushing myself harder than I’ve realized.

I’ve actually been remarkably productive this week. I picked up keys yesterday. I’m no longer homeless. I officially have a place to live!! I just need stuff to put in it; I’ll get around to it… someday.

My week passed quickly having lunch with friends and getting naked for money. The highlight of my week was Thursday night at the Miss Pole Dance Canada competition. I managed to be there in between shows to support the other dancers. (No, I wasn’t entered- I’m so out of my league there) But my dear friend Justice won!!! I’m so proud of her. She is AMAZING on the pole and now she’s got the title to back it up. Justice is Miss Pole Dance Canada 2007. She’ll be heading to Amsterdam later in the year to represent Canada at the worlds.

As for me… I’m going to start getting things settled, cross my fingers that I’m on the right track, and head out of town again. Oh and I’m going to write a philosophy paper, because it’s due and I’m a nerd. I should probably read the books first. Ugh.

Yawn. Bed time.

Almost home...

I’m on my way home. The horizon is melting into cotton candy and marshmallow waves as I wait patiently to glimpse the mountains. My laptop bumps against the seat in front of me, a glaring reminder of the limited personal space. The directional artificial lighting from above blends with the raw sunlight creating harsh shadows that seems to diminish the individuality of the other passengers. Distracted I stare aimlessly out the window, white speckled fields cover the earth below, and I know I’m not there yet… just a few more hours.

It’s been an amazing couple of months, and I feel I have learned so much in such a short time. I’m returning home with new friendships, experiences, and opportunities multiplying before me. My birthday is coming up, and I’m wrapping up my twenty-fifth year exuberant and energized.

I’ll be back in the Toronto area, at Whiskey, in the middle of January. Until then it’s my time. Six weeks on the west coast lay before me. I have time to relax and enjoy the friendships dearest to my heart, time to explore and prepare for my next challenges, time to escape for lunches with Daddy, and even time to indulge my mother’s “to do” list.

I’ve been thinking about choices lately, about Who I Am today and how far I’ve come in the past couple of years. When I started dancing I was devastated. I felt as though I had fallen off a cliff and had lost all sense of purpose. Today, I am passionate, confident, inspired, and simply fabulous.

I guess I’m just feeling thankful for everything. I have an amazing family, and the best friends anyone could ever dream of. I have a welcoming home, and a solid foundation. I have a job that I love, that is intensifying opportunities for growth and discovery. I’m returning home with a shiny “Miss Congeniality” trophy and to me it means so much more than a simple award. To walk into a new environment, a contest, and be able to easily become a part of the structure, organization, and flow of the event confirms how much I have learned. I made a difference, and I did it professionally, while making friends and contacts. I used to run events, competitions, but now I truly know my personal strength. I met a handful of incredible women during this tour, women I am proud to be developing friendships with, and that I am eager to be collaborating with. I have so much respect and admiration for the beauty and strength of character I’ve come to know. I can’t wait to be a part of the creation of something bigger than the individual, something incredible. I can feel it.

It’s all fan-fucking-tastic!

Disillusioned

Back in Toronto… I’m trying to digest and process my first experience with the Miss Nude Canada Pageant (MNCP), but I’m having a hard time with it.

It was a good week overall, and I met some great girls. Bad luck of the draw got me eliminated early. I went in without expectations but it stung looking at the scores, realizing that I had I not been first on that stage on Monday, I would have been in the finals. The difference between 4th and 7th place on Monday was 0.6. But, I had fun and I learned a lot. I ended up co-coordinating the pageant with Ultimate Feature, and was really able to get to know some of the girls. I’m really glad I had the opportunity, and I know I made some amazing friends. At the end of the week I won Miss Congeniality and Fanciest Fanny (best ass!!!)

As for the finals… well I don’t know what to say… or how to say it. This year we had international competitors entered in Miss Nude Canada. They are both great girls, and wonderful entertainers, but I just can‘t agree with what happened.

Miss Nude Canada should be exclusive to dancers who live and work in Canada. It no longer is, and we no longer have a highly regarded pageant for our Canadian girls

We had been told that IF an international girl won she would be given the award “Miss Nude Canada- International”. The Canadian 1st runner up would be awarded Miss Nude Canada. What happened instead was the Hungarian won Miss Nude Canada, the Australian won 1st runner up, and this is what it looked like.

Contestant Fri/ Sat/ Combined Total Award
Ginger Jones 43.5/ 46.6/ 45.05 Miss Nude Canada
Paris Lamore 41.7/ 45.5/ 43.6 1st Runner Up
Justice 41.3/ 45.9/ 43.6 2nd Runner Up
Mandy Carlton 43.4/ 43.1/ 43.25 3rd Runner Up
Fiona Phoenix 40.6/ 45.2/ 42.7 -
Fantasy 39.9/ 44.8/ 42.25 MNC Au Natural

As you can see Paris and Justice tied for 1st runner up. Beauty Queen Image scores were used to break the tie.

I spent six hours yesterday with Ultimate Feature and Pooh Bear (pageant owner) going over every detail of everything. The entire history of the pageant, the changes and state of our industry, past winners, egos, emotions, and expectations and I’m still left with the same feeling.

Miss Nude Canada should be represented by a dancer who lives and works in Canada.

I’m finding it difficult to convey the level of disillusionment and hurt to people who weren’t there to experience the week. It was agonizing watching our top dancers loose the crown. I know people will say they should just work harder, and fight for it next year. But it’s so much more than that. It’s our pride and faith in Canadian girls to keep going.

I’m upset. Other girls are upset. People are confused, and while some might calm down, and gain some emotional distance from this contest, others won’t come back.

About Pooh Bear (from the manual)
The company is (his) baby… he conceived of it, he designed it, he built it. This business is his pride and joy and no one is worth destroying a dream for. Honesty is the foundation of this pageant, a novel idea that seems to be working.

Stripper pageants are infamous for being manipulated, and tweaked. Miss Nude Canada is truly an honest event, and we cherish it. But now… it’s not Canadian, and it’s not the same. I don’t know that Canadian dancers will be as willing to take a week off, make the financial investment and sacrifice to come together and compete for a Miss Nude Canada, that isn’t. It’s not Miss Nude World, or Miss Nude International. It’s Miss Nude Canada!!

I want to cry. We NEED a reputable, reliable pageant for us. Our industry is struggling, our finances are dropping. The money that a top feature in Europe makes is TRIPLE what she would make in Canada. Yet we try. Even with the push towards lap dancing spreading across the country, even with the lack of bars booking features, even with clubs closing down at a staggering rate, we still have dancers willing to put in the time, the money, the creativity, and the love of performance into this pageant. It’s all we have left!!

I haven’t been around for 30 years. I only know the stories of what the Features did 15 or 20 years ago. I hear people long for the “good old days” of exotic dancing when it was a real show. I would love to spend $5000 on a show. I would love to invest in a trailer, and lights, and pyrotechnics, and effects… but I can’t. The money isn’t there anymore. At the end of the week and the end of the year you have to look at your net income. This isn’t volunteer work. It’s a job. I do the best I can and I know every contestant that entered this year does the same.

If you want to make money as a stripper in Canada you buy a couple sexy bikinis, a skimpy dress, and a pair of heels and you lap dance. You don’t take a week off to compete for titles. You don’t invest thousands into costumes and props. You don’t leave your family behind for weeks at a time. You lap dance, or you buy 6-10 simple costumes and you work as a Showgirl. You don’t buy $500 theme costumes; you buy $80 jam costumes.

I know Pooh Bear is struggling to keep MNCP alive. We all know the state of the industry. I know he’s had a hard time getting girls to enter. The days of 30 contestants are gone. There aren’t that many girls working as Features in Canada anymore. The old school Features are almost all retired, and there’s only a handful left. It’s a new generation taking up the feature game, and it won’t be the same. Our world is not the same. But there are those of us that care!!! It might not be 30 girls, but there were 14 Canadian strippers last week that cared enough to enter. We take pride in our show, in our performance, in our creativity and desire to keep exotic dancing in Canada an exotic art.

I want Miss Nude Canada to keep going, but not at any cost. It breaks my heart that it seems necessary to bring in international performers to compete for the only thing we have left.

I saw the best shows I’ve ever seen at the bar on Saturday night, and I saw the tears. I saw the anger and the pain of watching our title go to a wonderful performer that had never been to Canada before last week. Tears well in my eyes, fighting the raw lump in my throat as I think about how hard these girls worked, all the blood, sweat and tears that not only went into this pageant, but that goes into this business everyday as we fight tooth and nail to keep Features working in Canada. MNCP helps build Features. If we loose faith in the worth of MNC as a career booster and venue for creativity then I am even more worried about the art of exotic dance in Canada. The Velvet Lounge had never even seen a feature show before last week. We don’t often have the opportunity to see other feature shows. MNCP is a chance for the dedicated up and coming generation of exotic artists to come together to network, showcase, and compete. We build contacts and friendships. We exchange booking information, and discuss the state of our business. We inspire each other to enhance our shows, and remind each other of why we do this.

The MNCP should be an inspiration to improve, not a reason to quit. I thoroughly enjoyed the week, and I would like nothing more than to remain positive and determined in looking forward to next year’s pageant. But right now, I don’t want to go back to watch the most talented, hardworking, and dedicated dancers in Canada not be awarded the titles to represent our country and our industry.

MNCP- meltdown

Through the deep fog of slumber I hear my alarm sound. It’s morning. Everything aches, my head hurts and I want to wrap the blankets around my soul and hide. I haven’t cried yet, but I’m thinking I might be the only one. Maybe I should, hidden in my room, shielded from the day for a few more stolen moments. It was a rough night, and things could have been so much worse had I made semi-finals. Somewhere in the mayhem of sabotage, drama, and unattainable perfection I lost my phone. Fuck.

I doubt I’ll cry. I’m in caretaker mode, and there are too many girls that need support and help. Emotions are high, and the stress level is off the chart. I’ve seen the scores, and I know now that my show was good enough to make semi-finals, but drawing #1 on Monday hurt me. I could cry, but they would be tears of anger and frustration. Yes, I’m disappointed but I’m more concerned about the girls. I’m fucking pissed off at the lack of compassion and respect demonstrated by an arrogant individual. Someone is determined to make a point, and hurt as many people as possible in the process. Someone’s ego is willing to jeopardize the safety of over a dozen dancers just to make a point. Oil was poured in a fog machine. Pools were popped. Props disappeared. Oil could cause a dancer to slip and break an ankle, or worse fall off the pole. Sabotage is fucking pathetic. Endangerment is beyond forgivable.

I ran for hours, collecting props, organizing shows, and ensuring every girl had what she needed. Then I ran around again, checking on injuries, comforting disappointments, and providing interference through the chaos. Somehow it worked, and Ultimate Feature and her team held together the show. Pools were shared, comfort and hugs were plenty. The fantasy was maintained, and the deliberate attempts at destruction did not show on stage. We are professionals, and the show went on. They smiled, and danced, and did everything in their control to put on the best show. The shows were beautiful. There were tears across the board as the stress culminated into a 3am meltdown. Vibrating with anger and disbelief, we did our best to make it work. And then we all went home and collapsed. It was a rough night.

I have to convince my body to leave this bed, and face the day. It’s Saturday, and not only do we have finals to prepare for, we have repairs and investigations to do. It all has to be done in the next four hours, and we all have to be at the bar, perfect embodiments of stunning fantasies for a media meet and greet in six hours. I’d better get up.

The contest... day 5

I don’t really know what to say. I want to express how the week has been going, tell the stories from the bar, convey my feelings about this competition… but I can’t seem to find the words. I’m so happy to be here, and to have the opportunity to meet these girls. It’s been a great experience. It’s a solid attempt at organized chaos. For a week where really it’s only possible to have a maximum of four shows, I’m exhausted.

For me, there will only be two shows this week. I didn’t make the cut to semi-finals, and I don’t know how I feel about it. I came into this week not expecting to make semi-finals, but of course… I wanted to. I’m still eligible for other awards, and I have no doubt that this weekend will be amazing. I did the best show I could under the circumstances, with my experience level. There were hiccups and an unfortunate bad luck of the draw on Monday, but it happens.

My instincts and training seem to be taking over, and I’m finding myself in familiar territory. I love competition, I love the event, I love the energy and the unknown… but I don’t have a lot of personal attachment to my own achievement. I do my best, but I’m naturally more comfortable behind the scenes.

That’s where my energy is right now. I want to help. I’m mildly disappointed that I don’t have a show tonight, and I suspect I will feel some anger and resentment when I hear who did make the cut. There are things I don’t think are fair. I’m sensitive to drama and issues floating behind the scenes as always. I know I will have an emotional reaction, but I’m also relieved. I can concentrate on helping the other girls, without worrying about my show. I don’t have to make time to get ready, but I know I’ll be busier than imaginable tonight.

Next year, I’ll be back, and I’ll have learned so much from this experience. But right now there are girls that need my help. We have a lot to do, and never enough time to do it.

MNCP - day three

Day three.

Naked in my hotel bathroom paint is dripping off my breast as I examine the effect in the mirror. I like it. My hair is knotted, and untamed, and I need a shower. But the paint is going to work. Even though I’m a mess, sexy in a morning after, smudged makeup, covered in paint, fuck me hard kind of way, I’m just about ready for the night. It’s still mid-afternoon. My basket is organized, my music is burning, and my costume is on the bed. Ultimate Feature would be so proud of me if she knew how prepared I was for the day. My second preliminary show is tonight, and I’m a bit nervous. I don’t know the show as well as I’d like, and I really hope it goes well. The ranking from your best night is used to determine who advances on to semi-finals.

I fully expect tonight to be my last show for the week. Not because I don’t have faith in myself, or that I’m not trying… but because I’m new to the competition scene. It’s my first time at nationals. For me to believe that I have to make it to finals this year would be presumptuous, and arrogant. There are so many girls who are so much better than I am.

We’ll see how it goes. I’m having fun.

But right now, it’s time for a few sexy strippers to go jump in the pool and soak away the aching muscles in the hot tub.

Finally time to post... (and rant)

Where to begin… I’ve just finished two weeks at Whiskey A GoGo, and now on to Miss Nude Canada. It’s been a pretty interesting couple of weeks, so here it is… I’ve posted a few stories below, so scroll down and keep reading.

I’m packed, frustrated, and not ready for the contest. Sunshine never bothered to pick up my pool from the bar after Miss Nude Ontario so I’m pissed off and scrambling. I know I’ll figure it out, but it is one more thing on my “To do” list. Miss Nude Canada starts in 24 hours and I don’t have a pool. Fuck!

He’s pretty, but about as mature and useful as a slinky. The level of tolerance I have right now is just slightly above homicidal. I want to scream. I want to punch something. He doesn’t get it. He doesn’t understand that this is important to me. Instead he’s defensive, dismissive, and completely without accountability. An apology of “I’m sorry, but it’s not really my fault” doesn’t count. A statement of “It’s not a big deal, it’s just a pool, just get a new one”, isn’t helpful in November.

The plan was for me to drive down and visit him after work last night, spend a bit of time and just relax. Instead I’m staying in the city for another night. I simply had no desire to see him after our conversation…

It’s not really my problem, or my responsibility. It’s not my job to get your pool
Well when you said sure no problem I’ll pick up your pool, it became your responsibility. Now I don’t have a pool.
Well I’m sorry but I was just waiting until I wouldn’t have to make a special trip
It’s 15 minutes, and it’s been 5 weeks.
Well I went down there and no one would talk to me. I asked, but I couldn’t get any information.
When did you go to the bar?
Not too long ago, they wouldn’t talk to me.
You went to the club at midnight on a Saturday night to ask about a POOL!?!
Yes.
(rolling eyes, and shaking head- not the brightest crayon in the box)
Of course they wouldn’t talk to you. Midnight on a Saturday!
Well I tried. It’s not my problem really.
Obviously not!
It’s not my job to get your pool. I don’t work for you. What are you going to do? Fire me?

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Um… Yes actually you stupid kid. Consider yourself fired. My actual words were slightly more civil… but not by much. I think I ended the conversation with “I have to pack.” Click.

Now while most of the world might not realize the importance of this pool I’m going to change a few words. Let’s change stripper to sales rep, pool to report and contest to promotion.

Get it?

I’m sitting in a coffee shop trying to catch up on my life. With a great deal of effort I’ve managed to remain somewhat civil to Sunshine throughout the day. He’s driving up to Toronto to drop off my bubble machine, but he’s lost. My phone rings and I’m already irritated. He’s whining. He doesn’t know where he is, and he doesn’t know where he’s going. My sharp response does nothing to defuse the tension. My voice is patronizing, and short. I remind him that I gave him a map book, he’s not a child, and I do just fine with a rental car and a map… maybe he should figure it out. I’m not helping, and I don’t care. I can’t remember the last time I dealt with such immaturity. It’s repulsive. Besides, he’s already fired.

After a few more arguments on the phone, and him wanting me to come find him, he finally stops bitching and follows my directions. I’m busy. I have a hell of a lot of stuff to get done today, and he can damn well drive another 10 minutes to the coffee shop. I’m not feeling very compassionate today.

I see his car pull into the parking lot, and ignore it. He struts arrogantly into the shop and drops a box at my feet. “Here.” He pronounces self-righteously, as though he’s going out of his way to do me a favour. “Thanks” is my brief reply before he turns and walks out.

I guess that’s done. Next!

I still need a pool.

a couple contest shots

WARNING BOOBS!!! (There will be nudity if you keep scrolling. consider yourself warned)
and I did post 3 times today... if you're looking for more than titties and ass, I may have said something yesterday... then again... I was on a stupid bus.





told ya...
I'm NAKED!!! Hahahaha I'm always naked.

Miss Nude Ontario 3rd Runner Up

Miss Nude Ontario 2006/2007.
(I'm the little one in the middle)

“Is this your stuff? Your things! I hate them.” She shakes her head as my paper lanterns are thrust into my hands before she turns and hobbles away. The Ultimate Feature is running the show this week. I quietly laugh at her intensity and expressions, but really I don’t know what we’d do without her. I’ve already learned so much. I know she wants to be on stage, and I know after a lifetime of dancing, and working through the pain, her body is finally betraying her. Like anyone who loves to dance, who lives to dance, who can’t imagine a life without the stage, the music, and the passion, I don’t know how you leave that. I love watching her. She’s so beautiful. She is The Ultimate Feature, and it shows. But this week, she’s in trenches, mopping up spilt milk and helping build a new generation of dancers. It may not be the same industry as it once was, but there is still a love of performance, entertainment, and dance in this handful of dancers. The girls are awesome, and it’s been a great group to work with. From being able to watch an incredible level of professionalism and performance in one moment, to watching the determination, and pure drive to improve in another moment, I’m so honoured to be a part of this group.

I watch in awe as snow and bubbles flood the stage. The strobes transform the room into a slow-motion mirage. The bar is packed, drunk and enthusiastic. On stage a naked girl is balanced upside down on a chair, soaking wet. Her back arched, and legs splayed she looks like a goddess.

Back to reality I finish assembling the lanterns and go over my props one more time. Everything is in order; the DJ’s know what to do. The rest is up to me. The nervousness from earlier in the week has faded into an excited confidence and acceptance. I’m not the best girl here, and that’s okay. I’m exactly where I should be. I’m here for the experience, to learn, improve, and build myself. I’ve done that. I’m happy with the show I know I can do. All I have to do is do it.

I watch the stage crew scoop up the disaster, quickly and efficiently. The stage is scrubbed and my props are hung. A quick thumbs up to the DJ’s and the booming voice starts again. “… and now contestant number 5…” My music slowly builds as I make my way to the stage, slowly, the costume demands it. The next 20 minutes are filled with passion. I fucking love my job. Layers of sequined materials are flung into the corner, piece by piece, as I move to the music and flirt with the crowd. I’m down to my g-string and accessories when the song ends and I exit down the stairs. Our Ultimate Feature rushes her crew past me with a tarp, and my pool. I overhear her give a few commands in French, but don’t understand them. I quietly pull off my shoes, choker, and gold g-string as the stage is set. I’m naked, and we’re ready. It’s time to make a mess. The music begins as I tip toe up the stairs and move across my stage. I feel the beat, and pour liquid colours over my body. Within minutes I’m covered in paint, sparkles, and I’m soaked from head to toe. With a final spin through the bubbles, and a seductive arch the music fades. I’m a mess, and I’m happy. It was a good show and I need a shower.

The night begins to blend into itself as we pack, and clean, and wait. I want to know how it all turned out, what all of our work culminated into. I want to know who won. It seems like days before the awards begin, hours, and hours of waiting. I’m starving. It was an intense week of performance, improvement, and a hell of a good time. But now, I’m exhausted and I want food, and sleep. After eons we’re finally gathered downstairs, showered, makeup repaired, and back in our gowns to finish the week, smile for photos, and satisfy our curiosity.

I came out with…

Miss Nude Ontario 3rd Runner Up 2006/2007

I also won,
Miss Nude Ontario’s Most Original Costume
Miss Nude Ontario’s Showgirl of the Year 2006/2007

Now I’m back in Winnipeg for a few weeks, exhausted and dazed, ready for the daily grind of the real stripper life… getting naked and getting paid. It’s a month away from the Miss Nude Canada Pageant, and I have a lot of prep to do.


(if I get the pictures, I'll post some when I can...)

Contest week #1

It’s contest week. The Miss Nude Ontario pageant started today. It should be a great week full of sequins, paint, pools, fire and fabulous women on display.

I’m tired, covered in bubbles and leftover paint, and my makeup is starting to smear. Time for me to snuggle up with Sunshine and get some rest, I have a busy schedule ahead of me. It was a good day and it’s going to be a great week.

Come check it out. Contestant parade starts every night at 9pm. Contest shows all night, all week.

Mints. Niagara Falls.
5951 Main Street, Niagara Falls, Ontario